KeeP iT oN!

Life (live) Updates

2010-07-18T15:06:00.000+08:00

This is 18 July 2010.

Half a year has passed.

Within this period, many things happened and i realised how time flies unknowingly.

What have i achieved?

A different job environment for three months and back to old company with added responsibilities. So, my life plan now is on a standstill. I want to go into the marketing route but I am not making plans to work towards this route. I am back to purchasing just because I have done it before. Actually, purchaser must have command better salary than marketing. well, i do not detest purchasing and treat it as a job and in fact a skill.

what's important now is the soft skill such as negotiation, EQ, relationship management, problem-solving, lateral thinking and many more which is unique to thyself. i am prepping myself up on all these skills which are transferable if i were to change career, job scope and maybe industry. At age 23, i should be more assured and aware of what i wanted but i have not achieved it.

what is my dream?

what is my plan?

how do i go about it?

what am i suppose to do?

where is my final destination?

what are my objectives and goals?

these are serious questions that i have been asking myself for the past years.

but i am one who thinks hell lots of stuff that i wanna do and in the midst i get lost in finding my intended direction. i wanna do this and do that. i can say that's a weakness. i need to be focus and go for it and not diversify till i am a master of none.

travel
photography
diving
korean
language
dance
fitness
knowledge
relationship
product design
professional diploma in advertising and design
brand management
negotiation
financial savvy
stocks and shares
administration
migration
tennis
rock climbing
hiking
product marketing
chinese literary
history
social
volunteerism
entrepreneur and innovation
poltical science
business
copy writing
visual arts
music
cooking
baking

and more to come.

these are the key thoughts and words that i have in mind in this blog entry.

now gg on to rshp.

i need to stop all the crap on how i go for dates and make my self happy and fulfilling such as taking up dance classes, going to the gym, improving on korean, learning to cook and bake, writing, reading on other genres, volunteering. i do not want to live in a mundane life and i am thinking of how to make more money for early retirement. job satisfaction and salary satisfaction seldom go hand in hand unless i step out to own my business.

business plan?

what's my calling?

i need to go for deep mediation to soul search on myself.

the world is a better place?

what a 5 Feb 2010

2010-02-05T23:45:00.002+08:00

work.

resignation accepted. handover arrangement underway. it's as if, "is this your final decision?"

a colleague talked to me again.

2010-01-06T00:47:00.001+08:00

i hope by den i see u .. u will happily tel me.. aida.. i get over him le..

no more contacts no more nonsense.. u jus wan to focus on building up ur career and family ties..

love will come wen its urs.. n wen its time

i just love the above statement made by my friend. i am so blinded that i choose to evade from what i should have known. this is my weakness, i say.

2009-12-27T21:59:00.002+08:00

is it hard to forget someone who u feel so strongly on?

yes, it is very hard. the saying goes 'time heals all wound', when will this time be? every single day, yes, working days and weekends alike, i am thinking of the same person. this feeling really sucks and i felt weak and useless for doing so.

is it because of the emptiness in my life that makes me feel this way? i am on a job hunt but not making any progress on that. in work, there is a lot of undone tasks and projects which are making me sick. especially with the changes and unknown future. i am contemplating to take up a course on communication and design but the upfront fee is pulling me back. worst, this is a promo offer which only limit to the jan intake.

talked to my sis about this and she said tt i am forever learning and not working to earn my money back in the investment on my degree course. she is right. once i have more savings through higher salary,i can further my studies on stuff tt i wanted to do. like now, it's PR, communication and design. will they sustain thereafter? this is because once i am settled into a new job which may or may not be the same job scope and industry,i have different ideals. hence, are new year resolutions meant to be kept or break?

i have heard many said tt one should have a dream and goal. work towards it and you will have a fulfilling life. hack, i dun even know what i want - eventually. why am i always so lost and indecisive? i need to be firm and focus on my much needed goal. i do not want to be a frog who stucks her head around, wanting the best of both world. there is no such thing as best of both world.

i stayed in the same company for 4 years for my education and the people here are really nice. the tradeoff will of course be the monetary terms because i took unpaid leave to study! what can u expect??

so, i really need to set on my goals and focus.

wish me luck and i shall update soon.

Revive!

2009-12-01T00:46:00.002+08:00

Look, once again, it has been months since i updated and i am suppose to blog in early nov on my graduation but i PROCRASINATEd. LOL

why on earth am i blogging at this hour?

haha...here it goes. and somewhat related to what i have done about 4 yrs ago...how time flies, yea?

i confessed.

was it on a positive note?

well, you can say yes or no depending on your perspective!

i have been bottling my thoughts and feelings for the past few months until i was nudged by a friend who accompanied me thru these months. lol. i was damn damn anxious when i hit the 'send' button.

the reply came and it was....how should i put it? trying to act blur or to lessen rejection?

of course, i hope my reply was well-thought out!

then i went on further to be blatant and wanted to be more than friends....

awww....when i replied that, i was thinking hard - am i doing it right? i do not want to sound desperate and give him any pressure.

lol...his reply came. conc on work, not ready for commitment.

seriously, when i see his reply, i was not very very sad as i have expected. all this while i have been thinking too much on my own accord. hence bringing about distraction in my life.

i wished him all the best and success, citing that i fully understand his situation (indeed, guys should chiong for their career and he barely have time to complete his work cos he's working real hard.imagine 24 hrs a day is not enough!!). so i ended off, "well, still friends ya?!"

The Next Step

2009-08-15T22:55:00.002+08:00

COINCIDENCE.

i went for an information session today on Overseas Development Programme ODP (China).

opening up my options to work in the public sector. things may not be so bad after all. it is always a challenge to try and absorb new stuff. i was greatly attracted to this programme because there is an opportunity to work and engage with China which i have always been thinking of. on friday, my dad emailed me on a news article in which MM Lee highlighted the two challenges that singapore has to face and one of them is china related. yes, that is the info session that i attended today. surprised that my dad emailed me. anyway, some time back, he has encouraged me to work in china. the future is there.

this info session is kinda informative and to open up another dimension of my expectations by taking up this programme. concurrently at the back of my mind, there is another thought of how uncle thinks of this. this is because i am asked to think carefully of what i want to do after my graduation.i have been working for close to four years and what i have gained? this thought has been bothering me for the past years and i just let it pass, dilly dally.

now back what has happened this morning. during the talk, i have a lot of questions running through my mind such as my eligibility as i have a private degree, what's more i have yet to get my transcript till october and that how am i going to apply? luckily this is an ongoing recruitment and thus i think i can apply as i have my complete resume and degree. of course, it is always good to get things started earlier.

after the infomation session, i approached an officer and enquired about the application process. phew, her answers cleared most of my doubts and it seemed positive. i hate it when i showed subtle inconfidence on my qualifications. thereafter, i intend to leave but since there is free food, why not have it before i go since i hadn't had breakfast and that i am not rushing for time.

while i was at a corner eating, there came a lady. must be younger than me. we were eating silently. the inner me struggled to strike up a conversation with her. hack, i did it and asked if she is alone for the talk. i got the ball rolling. she was here because one of the speakers wanted her to listen to this talk. she will be reading her degree on economics at Peking university next month. wow, she's great. and yes, she's PSC. we talked a little more and i told her what i am currently doing. once again, i showed subtle inconfidence.

then my mobile rang, it was from one of the suppliers. after a min on the phone i can sense that she needs to go and thus i signaled to her that she can go if she is in a hurry as i cannot make her wait!

and there i finished my food and went to meet my friends for movie and dinner.

visited ion. it was ok. did not manage to finish the tour, will leave it for another session.

back home, i was reading TODAY. the headline 'Meet the six new 'sceptics'' attracted me. i carried on reading until i halted when i see the profile of the scholar who fitted the description of the scholar i had a brief encounter with this morning. it shocked me. it's her.

what small world~ woo...i spoked to her and i couldn't believe it.

suddenly, my mind was in a whirl. i dunno what i am suppose to think about.

confusion sets in.

this brings back to the meet up with xihui on thursday night. i told her my plans to start thinking what i really wanted to do, to take up new skills, courses, activities to do and many more. i feel that i have a long list of things i need to do such as taking up finance and accounts related courses, chinese studies, languages, driving, diving, going for self development seminars. i was happily listing to her until she stumped me with this remark - she said i am going to do so many things, is it because of my insecurities?

she hit on the bull eye. yes, what she said is kinda true. i am insecured. why?

the main reason i will say is that i am a private degree holder. how to compete with the fresh grads from NUS, NTU, SMU, not to say those scholars and elites?

so what if i have work experience? i always felt that what i have acquired and experienced is not transerable, irrelevant, not specialised, very admin. in this highly competitive environment, the paper chase, money chase or whatever chases there can be is stressful. i do not want to become mundane till my late 20s. i want to make my worth. it may not necessary be a high flyer but one that is fulfilling, things that i can excel in and benefit others while making my life comfortable. this simple and idealist thinking, many will think it's laughable. there must be a trade off.

this, i entangled myself into another trough. what do i really want? how should i go about it? i do not have a focus, plan, backup. i do not know how to weigh the risk and opportunities. maybe that is why i have not been able to break through in my current job as there is a unknown obstacle and force between me and my destination (my ultimate goal).

every family has its own set of problems. my family is not exceptional and i want to settle and plan for my parents' healthcare charges and bills through means of insurance, investements, savings. whatever it is, at least some protection so that it not be hard on anyone finances. my family background is not the well-to-do or above average type. i am thinking of how to increase my salary and one of it is to look for higher paying job and bite the bullets if the work sucks.

investments carry certain risks. i am not well verse, ok i should say i am not even knowledgeable about this area. trust the adviser? given the current climate, are they worth trusting? the papers, journals, reports? the writers themselves took references from the elites and analyst. what now?

i am so troubled. i want to make things as simple as possible, prepare for the worst while able to enjoy the process. however, my character, personality is....well, to tell you frankly, i do not know my strengths and weaknesses well.

i read an article in august issue of reader's digest and this gives me some optimistic thought at the moment - YOUR LIFE WILL BE WHAT YOU DO WITH IT.

i kept thinking what if one day i meet with a mishap and have many unfinished things i need to do. this is because i almost met with a car accident if i hadn't look out for the car while crossing the small road. this inner fear may be my greatest fear.

2009-03-29T09:05:00.002+08:00

have not been blogging. irregular blogger as i only blog when thoughts and mood arise.

just completed exam for the last 2nd term. went bacl to work then went to suntec harris and bought a book. to ignite the resolution.

2 weeks of break from work to focus on exam and work is doom.

woke up terribly early on a sunday morning. suppose to act according to plan but has some changes. i have to give myself 3 months to make the change and handle the final year project or graduation project.

woke up. surf net. watch a korean movie called 100 days with Mr Arrogance. thought it's a lameshit movie but then towards the middle of the plot, i realised that i still have the regret - for not having the confidence to re-take A level exam. it is this lack of confidence and trust in myself that i have become so so hesitant. just like i was about to join an IFA and taken all the necessary exams. waste money? waste time? i am afraid to step out of comfort zone.

4 yrs have passed and i am gg to graduate from the current course but i am so distraught with my results as i am afraid i cannot achieve my goal....how?
i should have worked harder, smarter and religiously to get into local uni. is entry to a local uni everything? well, it may be so. but i think what is important is a knack for thinking, street smart. others will argue that getting a proper degree is the stepping stone. if that is the case, then isn't only the brightest get to get into the uni or just by luck?

i still love the feeling of being in the local uni experience and i missed the days being a full time student. i did not treasure the times i had in school or is it that i lost or couldn't remember the feeling/happenings in school?

i hate myself for this. what if i had re-take the A level? will i get entry into local uni? i have been lying to myself that i am ok, i am so gonna get ahead in life and blah blah blah...what is life? what is my purpose in life? what do i want in life? i have about at least 50 years ahead of me, how should i carry on?

i do not know myself well enough.what are my strengths, weakness, good at, suck at? what am i as a human? what am i as part of the family? incoherence thoughts. live for the day and let it pass without realising if i am making progression to my goals. ironic. what is my goal anyway?

i lost. i am lost.

2009-02-13T00:13:00.001+08:00

i am lost and do not know what the other party is thinking!

no wonder they said that man and woman are made differently, think differently, act differently thus all means and ways to conceal. humph....what has happen? i have no clue, ya?

hence, i am braving myself not to sink in too deep.

wishful thinking,that's all i can say.

dots.

2008-11-02T01:12:00.002+08:00

MUSIC MAN = WANG LEE HOM

YOU BETTER AGREE TO THE ABOVE EQUATION AS HE IS INDEED CAPABLE OF LIVING UP TO THIS TITLE! HE CAN SING, COMPOSE, PLAY VARIOUS MUSIC INSTRUMENT, BBOX AND EVEN DANCE!

HE EVEN DID A STINT IN WHICH HE WAS SO ENERGETIC ON THE STAGE AND THE NEXT SECOND HE WAS ALONG THE ROW WHICH I WAS SITTING. MIND YOU, IT'S ROW 27 WHICH IS KINDA FAR FROM THE MAIN STAGE - I WAS DAMN AMAZED! OH MAN, I FELL IN LOVE WHEN HE JUST CAME ON STAGE! U KNOW, MY BREATHING STOP AND HEART THUMPING. I TOLD MY SIS THAT MAYBE THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN SEX...HAHA...DON BE MISTAKEN, I DO NOT KNOW HOW SEX EXACTLY FEEL BUT YOU KNOW, THE ADRENALINE, ENJOYMENT THAT I READ....LOL...I AM GOING OUT OF POINT.

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ATTENDING A MUSIC CONCERT AND IT IS AN EXCELLENT START! I CAN'T HELP BUT RISE FROM MY SEAT AND SWAY TO THE MUSIC.

I CAN SEE THAT MUSIC IS HIS LIFE AND THAT HE HAS PUT IN LOTSA EFFORT SINCE DAY ONE HE'S IN THE INDUSTRY. REVOLUTION IN HIS SONGS AND CONCEPT - INNOVATION.

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO HIS NEW ALBUM *GRINZ*

2008-10-25T02:19:00.002+08:00

hooked on quiz. title: the real you ( it is so hilarious...just remember the good points and forget about the flaws)!

Here is the analysis:

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.

You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.

You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.

Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

next quiz: What's your personality love style?

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high. You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

this is so true, why set so high standard on myself?

another quiz: What type of personality do you have?

Bright and Cheerful

You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

this is erm...not exact.

i did not complete the quiz on 'Is He The One For You?' because the quiz stated as follows:

Do you have your eye on one of your male friends? Are you unsure about whether starting a relationship with him would be a wise thing to do? Take this test to predict whether a relationship with him will last. Please note that you will need him to answer the questions in part three. (who on earth will your male friend take this quiz together with u? dots....)

this quiz is interesting. it's on 'your marriage' and stated that i should take it for fun (duh..isn't it that way?)

How will you choose your Mr Right?
No matter how many men you have beating a path to your front door, when it comes to picking Mr Right, you'll listen to your parents. Not only will you become weary of all your suitors, deep down you don't quite trust your own judgment.

LOL...this is so interesting. i dunno if it is going to happen that way...will let you know if the time comes.

Who will be your future Mr Right?

Your real-life hero will be manly. He'll be dependable, even financially. He will protect you and always respect your feelings. He'll probably be quite a bit older than you.

TRUE! 100%.KUDOS. i am starting to dream now.....lalalala

When will you get married?

As soon as you fall in love, you'll want to grab your man and hang on to him. You will probably marry very young, so it would be wise of you to think carefully before committing.

impulsive. i do not think i will be that light-headed. commitment is a BIG and HEAVY thing. dude.

What sort of wife will you be?

You are a bit tricky. You might pretend to be a sensitive and caring wife in his eyes, but you'll be ready to laugh at him behind his back and eventually you may even leave him for another man.

this is a weird analysis. i don't understand. tricky?

Will you and your husband have a good time together?

You and your hubby will enjoy each other's company playing games until you're old. Whether you play tennis, golf, swim or even just go driving out of town, you'll both stay healthy and happy.

cool. i love it that way.

What will your children be like?

Your kids will be quiet and won't give you a hard time - they'll be a joy to have around. However, you should teach them to be stronger and more confident in themselves. Otherwise they might grow up to be losers.

this is indeed bad... homeschooling you mean?

How loyal are you?

You are a cool chick! You pretend not to care about the many men you attract, but they just keep coming back for more. When you are married, you won't be a loyal kind.

i have to refute this analysis! though a social butterfly(eh....at times la) but i will that be an unloyal partner. $^#

the quiz is becoming weirder : A murder in your town

Here is the analysis:You are a big fan of Urban Legends. You like reading rumors in magazines and tabloids. You are determined to succeed in your study and career.

i dunno how to justify except for the last sentence which sounds nice and true :)

quiz: Your Hidden Talent

The Mass CommunicatorYou have a cheerful personality and you are a naturally kind person. Your hidden talent isn't really that hidden at all: you shine among a crowd. You would make an ideal news announcer, flight attendant or model - any position that would give you an opportunity to deal with plenty of people. A tip for you is to avoid getting too deeply involved in others' personal lives - otherwise you might find yourself constantly being asked for help.

IS THAT SO???

noW THIS IS REALLY AN INTRIGUING AND INTERESTING ANSWER TO THE QUIZ ON Who is your dream guy?

Here is the analysis:According to your answers; if you are not kidding, you are too complicated. Sorry, we are unable to offer the analysis. Press Back button on you browser, check ONE question that you were not completely sure and try again with a different answer that you think it would be correct.

hahahahahA....THIS IS SO SO FUNNY. MY FIRST TIME COMING ACROSS THIS ANSWER. BUT I WILL NOT RE-TAKE AS I ANSWER TO MY TRUEST.

i am getting tired so i shall stop here.

2008-10-25T01:23:00.002+08:00

i did a quiz at http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx and the results kinda shocked me because they are so true that it is a smack of reality in my face. i had a talk with my future manager and i really hate myself for being unsure. at times, sitting on the fence and being neutral is not exactly good. i do not have my own stand and thus suspect my ability.....

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

is this really me? at times i think so. mmm..effcient problem solver? i wish i can be stronger and not be too 'switzerland'.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

i think this sounds nice. ideally, i think i am as such. however, i have not been in a relationship thus my theory still stands till now. colleague getting married and they are so interested in my mindset of marriage as i really thought of getting married - at this age. they say it's normal. as years whizzed by, it will be a different story. how true? i dunno. all i know is that i don't know whether love and marriage are fated - what is meant to be is meant to be. my classmate told me that i will meet my one and only and get married. this means that i will meet him and married.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

hey, this is kinda common sense, isn't it?! for the latter, it is really a war between your heart and head. vexing, isn't it? this is especially when you know that you deserved better but cannot let go. maybe i gave the impression i am experience and know a lot but that is really on one's opinion and what the heart says.

The seriousness of your love:Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

i dunno if i am straightforward. mm..maybe at times depending on the situation and the people i meet. i know that i usually bring ease to people unless otherwise. too bad, i cannot change their initial reaction and acceptance.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

excellent. this is damn true. others may think that this is a politically right answer but i truly think that education can bring you farther - if you bother to apply it in networking, work, cracking up jokes, conversation, etc. i love general knowledge.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

another point hit! many goals i have and want to achieve but i cannot even realise a resolution. oxymoron. i agreed that jobs enjoyed will make one expend their time and effort because they will not be bothered with the minute stuff, hassle and monies. serious. i have been through that. wait! maybe i am a novice in the society so that is why i felt this way. wish me all the best when i am going to cut all bridges. this is why i need the courage to do so.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

i want to look for this fella who compute the above statement. he/she spelled out my CURRENT thoughts that have been bothering me since january 2008. torment it is but due to the comfort zone that i have been in for the past 2.5 years, i lacked the foresight, courage, desire to step out and give this career a try for the next 6 months. excuses masked my first significant step which i should not regret and worked for it. see the word 'EXCUSES'? we are very good at it because we do not want to bear the responsibilty, mistake and not in phase with the 'clique'. if i gonna send in my resignation letter, should i give excuses again? this is seething in me and i do not know the answer. i am a timid person and a scaredy cat. back to the goal (which i have not even listed earlier): i want to be financially free by the age of 30.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

this one. most afraid of not having a smooth-sailing life. that is an ideal actually. afraid that i will get cheated. afraid that i will not be able to get on in life if i meet with (one) obstacle. afraid = pessimistic = depression. well, no use brooding too much. gotta change yourself to make the first step. at least i am not bothered by 儿女私情

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

period. this is true enough if my family and friends think that i am described (deserved) as above.

i was browsing through the favourites and saw this website. maybe my sis was doing her usual browse. never did i think that i will do this quiz which was purely out if fun and turns out that it added colour to my blog. today, only today do i have the impulse to blog as i am so vexed. i really want to share with my family on my new career but i can foresee that it is not going to garner much support coupled with the pessimistic economy. mum has been reminding me that jobs are hard to find and may even face retrenchment....

i really wish to think myself as a final year university student starting to look for a job and the first job happen to be one which i can try it out and see if it works since i have the interest. moreover i do not have to worry about financial responsibility. *laughs* my family environment, the environment which builds my personality, thinking, values have impeded. adults have seen the world much more than me and share with the younger generation so that they will not walk the wrong route, roundabout and when they finally reach their destination, lotsa missed opportunities along the way.

it really cringed to hear that the choice is yours to make, create and behold. you are responsible for your own life and future but looking at the external factors, emotions and sub-conscious thoughts - can i do it?

i really wish to realise my number 1 resolution made in january 2008 within the next 3 months.

wish me all the best (suddenly, the word 'RESISTANCE' flashed through my mind, is this an omen?)

2008-06-26T01:18:00.002+08:00

vexed.....

have to prepare for Dinner and Dance on 30th June then an exam on 3 Jul end up noty enough time to study cos of dinner and dance.

i have the intention to hold a buffet lunch/dinner on 5 or 6 Jul....most prob 5 jul in the evening better cos i do not want to tire myself out on a sunday and work on 7 jul.

the thing is i do not know what to do...very sian...the food, guest list! i want it simple, memorable,warming. seems that i have to settle by this weekend and then start calling my family members and close friends le...mm...should i invite my colleague?my house damn messy..have to do spring cleaning le...or i will just buy some food and offer them on 11 jul itself.....ok...not a bad idea. maybe i am the first person who celebrates 21st in the company..hahhahah

mmm..presents....i would like to get a big bag for work cos present one worn out already. been keeping a lookout for a nice, durable, big bag for work but to no avail. the closest will be the IT bag...but expensive. i need earrings...lol...too lazy to get one. my ears are sensitive but then after a period of time when i do have the earring, it will go missing. i have lots of wants and needs but too sian to write down. it seemed that i am more concerned of how to make my family and friends enjoy this day rather than thinking of how i want to make myself happy.

in fact, i feel that my friends are not many. a handful of friends which i still keep in contact is cool enough. pri sch all the way to present. hmmm...i just wish everything will be arranged and organised by my family la but this is my birthday leh.

ok. i am freaking tired now and has to work tomorrow.

work is never ending..just like LIFE!

good morning, folks!

2008-03-28T01:09:00.002+08:00

i have just finished my last paper - organistion design!! woo hoo :)

now, i gotta gear up for my upcoming work - it's gonna be crazy........wish me luck

recently, have an urge to learn a new language and heard from a friend who has disappeared for some time and is back again told me that he have been to france for two months!! see? he went there to immerse the culture,when will it be my turn? coincidently, my classmate told me that she has taken up basic french and wanna go on to advance it...i felt tempted!! oh gosh, i need to find time to work , study, workout and what else? mmm...taking up a new language shouldn't be that bad!

gonna enrich my knowledge soon....thanks to my sec sch friend. most likely meeting him up this weekend to explore before new term starts from 6 apr!

other than work, i am gearing up for the big day in July!

Jia You!!!!

2008-03-18T23:58:00.002+08:00

Had my first paper today - quantitative methods for managers. that is on statistics on t-dist, F-dist, regression, anova,regression. tricky as it is,some parts are not confident but should able to clear this paper.

shld have started revising on information systems but was stuck on the telly- damn! time mgmt and gotta realise my plan by hook or by crook.

i am feeling bored but tired = sian

had my period. frightening experience this time. luckily i did not faint.

had lotsa of thots....too many to list it out.

i had enough of everthing.

2008-03-09T21:17:00.002+08:00

i am hooked the song 'sorry' by buckcherry.

i just dunno why, ever since it was aired on radio, i feel a tinge of sadness. as if i gotta face whateva realities that i treated it as a dream. . .

the melody...the lyrics...the beat

Oh I had alot to say Was thinking on my time away I missed you and things weren't the same 'Cause everything inside it never comes out right And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die. I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds And baby the way you make my world go 'round And I just wanted to say I'm sorry. This time I think I'm to blame It's harder to get through the days We get older and blame turns to shame 'Cause everything inside it never comes out right And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die. I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds And baby the way you make my world go 'round And I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Every single day I think about how we came all this way The sleepless nights and the tears you cried It's never too late to make it right Oh yeah sorry I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds And baby the way you make my world go 'round And I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry baby, Yeah. I'm sorry.

what happened?

i have to start my clarification soon but i do not know how to go about it.

is it my fault for.......?

2008-02-17T23:09:00.002+08:00

ai yo yo yo yo....

it's a normal 2008 chinese new year and it seem the year of rat is not spelling well for those whose zodiac is rabbit - that's us born in 1987. maybe that is why i am feeling so lost and guilty more than the past! my classmate said that we are not focus in studies this yr! this reminds me of a dear auntie who sells crystals and fengshui stuff in chinatown b4 the taiwan trip. if i am not wrong she said i am more to the 'gold', 'fire', sumthing lik that la...best to work in the financial industry, sensitive to figures....lol...seems lik i have a good life ahead! hehehe....but she mentioned that i have troubles in my mind and that i do not even know why i am troubled over my problems. at that instant..that is so true. it has started all the way back in early 2006 which is the turning point of my life. i made a decision - for the better or the worse. as 2008 has arrived, all i can say is that there is a fair share of ups and downs. one thing is for sure though - i have created much happenings for myself which i have discovered what i want and fair share of family disapproval!

this yr's valentine is kinda special for me. i can't believe what i've done...lol.

i think i have started dating but faced with family disapproval. thus, the dating thing has stopped for some time..........

through this dating, i got to know a lil more about myself, what i want in a guy, the kind of relationship i want. i realli gotta thanks my love doctor(s) for advice and willing to listen to me. haha...anyway, my stories are always juicy :):):)

my love doctor told me that me being picky, considered about family's thoughts and know the kind of guy i want, my other half will be the first and the last partner!!! hahaha...she may be true. however, the guys i meet now are potential friends only though i have thoughts at that instant that we can be in a stage 2 relationship. BUT i think i will be wasting my time.

i thank my friends who believe in my for my willpower and know what i am doing as some think that it is not appropriate for me to do so. People, please do not think wayward, i did not engage in pre-martial sex. to me, i can't stand one night stand and i practise abstinence.

haha...sex is sacred.

guess i am getting some comments that i am old-fashioned, blah blah blah.

it's ok. this is my philosophy.

i shall stop here and post more updates days....er....it seem my blog is updated weeks or months later.

2008-01-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

it is indeed a break from blogging or rather it's dead as queen described it in my tagboard! haha

well, many things have happened for the past six months!

work, studies, life, meeting people, overseas trip......

guess it has been a fulfulling 2007 and i am gonna bring it on to 2008 - hey! that's kinda late already cos the first 25 days of 2008 have passed.

work is monotonus until the launch of the new product in the market and got to know two great aussies directors - they are way cool! watched firewoks for the post National day at the Oriental hotel with these gentlemen and colleagues, i can say they are a great mentor.

as days passed, exam period arrived in nov. it was madness when i took leave for 2 weeks, my colleague is also havin heart attack - literally cos my scope and load is indeed too heavy for a new comer with not much experience to handle. she's the PA after all.

i have been with the co since dec 05 and it is getting too much for me to handle as my degree course moves on to the 2nd stage. projects coming soon and i am contemplating to leave.

i wanna leave for 2 reasons - to experience new environment and take up new skills.

guess that is my resolution for 2008. of course, getting fitter and slimmer is in the list!

i had my fair share of up and downs with the bosses and colleague but the inner me is struggling. there are many factors to consider. i have to take exam leave, do assignments. no longer as 'sheltered' in the current company. of course, if i were to leave the co and they need help in roadshows and such, i am more than willing to assist if my schedule allows.

now, the most impt thing is to leave, if i do not resolute to my stand, i think i will continue to stay there as weeks and months pass by just like that! don't think i am joking. time really flies and i have experienced it.

and that is why ppl say ENJOY LIFE TO THE FULLEST. well-said.

2008 is a significant yr for my peers who are born 21 yrs ago. i have just attended my pri sch's mate bday party and it was nice seeing her family and friends gather to wish her a very happy and memorable bday. a sudden thought just flashed past at that time - parents.

i think our parents are the most affected emotionally when their children reaches adulthood.
however, in their heart their children are still kids :)

before attending my fren's bday, i went to taiwan with my dear pals. it was an free and easy trip which we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and an eye opener.

well...i will end here and update of any past events which i have not posted!

ciao!

2007-07-03T23:38:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey!

It's JULY!! My month of the YEAR :)

i have lotsa thoughts going through my mind and i realised a lot of things.

i worried.

i feel the pinch.

i feel the competition.

i feel the stress.

i feel the lonliness.

i feel i lose the friendship.

i feel so scared.

time is ticking away like nobody business...

and i think so negatively of life as i am not well prepared.

darn...darn...darn..

this is making me crazy

where's LOVE? where's Princy?

where's my..................................

to be continued.......

2007-05-20T22:05:00.000+08:00

been getting that feeling again...

vexing!

is the desire too strong or the signal/omen is suggesting that my personal life should have changes?!! haha..i hope so..

however, the urgency is to complete studies and save as much as possible to pay school fees.

空虚的感觉会令一个人失去理智。一旦失去，连自己都不知道生活的目标和现实的存在。。。真的好可怕！

我讨厌阴天的风冷得那么刺痛只有你能够抚平所有的寂寞昨天的风筝在角落被谁丢到了路口我很不想让你找到离开的理由每一夜闭上眼睛我看到了恶梦你微笑但是旁边的人不是我天空切开一道裂缝直接割到我心中不想装作脆弱也不想爱得懦弱其实我非常爱你不想失去你难道我没有权利说我不愿意你给了他的吻虽然只有余温可知道我多渴望抓住你的心我知道他很爱你你怕他伤心我每天假装开心害怕你离去可不可以任性求求你不要去藏在我心里最后一句其实还爱你可不可以任性求求你不要去藏在我心里最后一句其实还爱你

以上是‘其实还爱你’的歌词

2007-05-18T00:22:00.000+08:00

I felt like a loser...

i feel that if i do not carry on reading my papers, i will die of ignorance.

yea, my history sucks..realised that history is vital to the happenings in today's world...it is the histoey which taught us why the present work in this way... but with history, mistake should not repeat itself.

my language sucks.

i feel so lost.

i need to start an action for my goal but no motivation yet. whenever i think that i have exams in 3 months time...sianz arh.

i should scout for good Japanese Language school. Then next is Korean? Arab? French?

Business chinese. i also realised that my chinese sucks after my boss told me to type out his chinese letter. i was like 'what are these words combination??' 'do they even exist at all?'
so u can see how shallow my chinese is!!!

Translator, i wanna be one. but i think i should start off with terminology first.

Ai ya, i need to realise the first step before i talk big about the others la... LOL

2007-05-15T22:48:00.000+08:00

it's time to update bloggie la

as usual..it's work and studies!

haha..been to a gay club and st james for the 1st time. not bad. quite an experience. lol

mm...exam is going to be in july and i am very vexed because there are four modules and i have to take leave. long leave. on average i have to take 4 days leave in a week. the exam is spread within the two weeks so this means eight days of leave la!!!

worse still, 11 July is the last day of marketing module and it's my 20th birthday!

this year's mother's day is a normal affair. had dinner in a coffeshop and i offered to pay for the meal but mum don wan. haha..i really prepared the $$ la. but i know she really appreciated it...
dad should be coming back soon.

ah mah misses him. the day before i went to ah mah's place and it's really been some time since i visited my grandparents. so heartwarming to see them...:)

been missing classes for economics cos of roadshows at suntec then last sat was rushing stuff at office.

anyway, i am always busy!!

even the redang trip,jie tong is organising. now, jun cannot go cos of her operation...sad..now still waiting for tian and tong decision...i hope all four of us can go!!

crazy about wu zun, he's a cutie!! how i yearn for a guy like him..HAHA

anyway, this month is a period of more challenging stuff happening.

i was asked to handle corporate with my ROM! oh my, i am actually burden with tons of stuff la...cos tt time i have a new colleague in my dept but due to family commitments, she has left the company so it's me alone!!

ok la, i cannot believe that i left aside my work and handle corporate sale for 1/2 day. it's quite an experience though! it's good to have a new experience.

now, i am thinking of taking up wealth management after my management studies degree...

mm...what should i do? my degree is called the broadest specialisation as my lecturer said.

i think i may quit my job during the 3rd year to handle studies and projects...but how about my living expenses? i think i should take up part time job ba...

when i am in the last year of studies, other peers will be in their 2nd last year...

and i will be in the full working force by then.actually i am considered in the working force but i still think myself as student cos i don get the GST offset package mah!! below 21 years leh..sianz...work for 1 yr and 5 months liao!!

vexed...

i do not know what i want, what i am doing and for what purpose..

i should be thinking of my path for the next 5 years

for the next 2 years, i will still be working and studying.
i wanna take up a language course.
i wanna learn a dance.
i wanna learn a music instrument.
i wanna brush up my english/chinese (translation)
i wanna learn a new sport
i wanna go for holiday.
i wanna expand my network
i wanna learn a dialect.
after these 2 years, i will look for other jobs. but what should i look out for? will i be able to stay that long? i think i may change job every 2 to 4 years? as Ms Tie said that the career of the future is no longer an iron rice bowl. structural change causes ppl to change job.

actually, i would prefer to work overseas, maybe in China for a MNC. challenging! since i have no commitments, should be ok.

just like my aunt, can retire early liao...

yes, my aim is for early retirement! of course, must work smart in the process mah, then u thot $$$ just drop from the sky??

HAHAH

2007-01-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

updates!

A lonely soul burying into work and studies. lost herself into the monotonus and routine life. the place she goes is (see, it's singular) boring. perhaps she needs more time for herself but she's distancing herself from her friends..very soon. she started to think of how many true friends she has and pondered upon words and advice that an acquaintance had given...she felt that she has not been taking the proactive actions to care for her friends..maybe she's self-centred; just plain lazy to care; do not know how to care? time passes and she's just into work..she's responsible, working hard, not smart. too ignorant and does not have enough experience to work smart..by the tradition, she's a typical workaholic. invitation from friends were turned down at times until she believes that she will not be asked again because the standard answer is 'let's see about it'...

she's a neutral party in the company, not engulfed in any internal strife but has become an easy target of being 'suan' although no hard feelings were felt cos she found that it's stupid and shld treat everyone professionally..but this may also mean being hypocrite - this point alone has made her lose her principles and began to feel that she is not herself, what is she 'made' of...the only relief is that she has sort of enjoy the process of flirting..should i describe her as such? or maybe in a better description, the process of knowing new 'friend', not friendsssss cos she's just not expanding her social circle.

she's known to be 'pervert', mm..maybe it's not 'pervert', she's normal as it is human nature, ok gal i shall describe you as such, cos she oogles at macho/handsome/gd-looking guys and women's assets! then she will try to act cool or act stupid, depending on the situation. she is pissed with the guy who said that maybe they can meet up (this is her guy friend's invitation) but in the end, for some reason, cannot make it. luckily she's smart as she somehow knew that something would happen, so she had her reservations although she's enthu in the replies (ok, she replied through sms..so it has to depend on whether the party felt so, anyway, the intuitive her is 100% sure that the other party is aware of her enthusiasm), then when the other party cannot make it in the end, she is still able to say that it is ok and shall meet up another day. well, from her description of this incident to me, maybe this guy mean something to her but her new 'friend' may place a bigger space in her life now, ANYWAY, she's always CONFUSED AND HIDING! seriously, i think she should just forget about the whole thing and shld look for other stuff to pay more attention to, yea..given her capabilities! hehe...

she worries..a lot..of things..her future, her studies, her progression, her many insecurities, fear, trying to act nonchalant but..no use..hence she's lost - confused - gone -

to be continued if she has any progrssion...hopefully..maybe a more adventurous feb as lunar new year and valentine is in the same month?

2006-12-22T00:33:00.000+08:00

is there such thing as colleagues being friends? i feel like so out of place again, i do not know what is getting into me!

i am getting irritated and i feel that my heart will stop any moment as i am totally sick and tired of the current life and the people around me..i do not mean my friends or colleaugues..just a few that totally sucks!

No point elaborating on it as it wastes my energy typing

oh no..i have not bought any prezzies for thanking my forwarder for their help..

2006-12-21T00:42:00.000+08:00

i think i am one fickle bitch.

i am gradually losing the enthusiasm and the feeling. It's no longer fun and i am feeling irritated instead. He's throwing tantrums! i just..ARGH..damn..it's ok..this kind of outcome should be expected but whether it's sooner or later..

Now, it has come..FInE!

Stupid

2006-12-17T18:39:00.000+08:00

i never thot things would turn out like that...mixed signal

i acted blur to avoid your oncoming proposal and you have blatantly expressed these terms of affection and i should not turn a blind ear and eye to it..although i enjoy the proces. Yes, i know u care for me and i only regard u as a big bro..yes, i admit at times i missed you but your insistence and existence has made me a lil more reliant and wanting to be closer. however i still think it will not work out. firstly, i m always joking and trying to joke my way through your affection of words and what not. secondly, geographical distance.

maybe this is the first time that i was paid much attention to and i want to be rational and not lose it to the temporary temptation. if i continue like this, i will be very unprofessional and from there i do not know how to clear up the mess...

i am dragging day by day and darn, i should be too friendly and curious to start a lil personal conversation.ya, i m losing the grip and whole day long i am imagining things that i am so sure that it will not happen even if you come to singapore.

these few weeks, job is very stressful and i do not know if i am helping the company or am i making things worse.

i just felt so pent up because of my current position that i am cut off from the outside 'world'. i am not close to my colleagues now and i have to proactively mixed with them..but where can i find the time? and there are things which they hid from me...i thot so..anyway, i am sensitive.

my bosses are good to me and i really appreciate that but i am very frustrated with the workflow here, definitely. shouldn't comment any more.

Jesse Mcartney: "why is love so hard to find?"

Everyday I look around Seems that no one's ever satisfied Could it be, that underneath, We've all got something to hide?From the moment we arrive We want to fill the space insideWe all need to feel aliveCHORUSIf it's love that keeps us breathin' Gives us something to believe inIs it fear that makes us blind?Tell me, why is love so hard to find?If we hear so much about it And we can't go on without itLet the mystery unwindTell me, why is love so hard to find?All I know is when you find itEven earth can feel like you're in heavenTell me now, unlock the secret Help us all to find the hidden treasureFrom the moment we arrive We want to fill the space insideWe all need to feel alive
REPEAT CHORUS Why is love so hard to find Tell Me Why is love so hard to findWhy is love so hard to find (baby)Tell Me Why is love so hard to findDon't you knodw I'm never gonna give up 'til I find the love?I'll be searchin' the whole world overTo find my love...Why is love so hard to find (why)REPEAT CHORUS(2)(Why is it so hard)

and this is how i feel when he expresses at times subtlely:

I don't want another pretty face I don't want just anyone to hold I don't want my love to go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul You're the one I wanna chase You're the one I wanna holdI wont let another minute go to waste I want you and your beautiful soulI know that you are something special To you I'd be always faithfulI want to be what you always needed Then I hope you'll see the heart in me
I don't want another pretty faceI don't want just anyone to holdI don't want my love to go to waste I want you and your beautiful soulYou're the one I wanna chase You're the one I wanna holdI wont let another minute go to waste I want you and your beautiful soulYour beautiful soul, yeahYou might need time to think it overBut im just fine moving forwardI'll ease your mind If you give me the chanceI will never make you cry c`mon lets tryI don't want another pretty faceI don't want just anyone to holdI don't want my love to go to waste I want you and your beautiful soulYou're the one I wanna chase You're the one I wanna holdI wont let another minute go to waste I want you and your beautiful soulAm I crazy for wanting youBaby do you think you could want me too I don't wanna waste your timeDo you see things the way I do I just wanna know if you feel it tooThere is nothing left to hideI don't want another pretty faceI don't want just anyone to holdI don't want my love to go to waste I want you and your beautiful soulYou're the one I wanna chase You're the one I wanna holdI wont let another minute go to waste I want you and your beautiful soulYou beautiful soul, yeah

to be continued..

2006-12-15T23:41:00.000+08:00

i hate the current situation. i have a bad job in my work, not to say that i almost neglected my studies. i do not know to describe the feeling. i think the hormones are acting up..PMS.

dec..sucks..up and down..

gg to that seventeen queen of queen is not a great idea after all, not very enthu as i feel a lil outcast..all 4 uni students, just feel a different breed. don belong to the scene...

2006-11-16T01:00:00.000+08:00

I have just finished typing my emails to colleauges to ask them to follow up some work for me..see this is the price i have to pay only for taking a full day leave tmr then morning leave on the 16th because that is the last day of my exam,quantitative managment something (QMIM), actually this is basic business statistics which is equivalent to JC maths on statistics, so i suppose it should be a breeze for me. on monday, 13th, i took financial accounting 1 and the theories came out most but calculations?? haha, so not much confidence but sure that i will be able to pass. i did organisation behaviour and sociology of work today. oh man, 3 hrs paper to write 4 essay qn. i can say that i am not well prepared but i know bits here and there which i put all my knowledge in GP into it as well. come to think of it, i find that i am ok with accouting and OBSW now. However, still not very sure of debit and credit!!!! haha, must revise and go through again. anway i can use real life example in my field of work. soon, i will b dealing with that as i have to return defective products to my supplier in which i need my finance dept to do a debit memo for the Purchase and then do a credit memo when i receive the exchange.

seriously speaking, the work for this week is more on solving and packing the defective parts of the product, clearing back logged emails..so many that i have to do house keeping for my email cos there are 5500+++ inbox and 3900+++ sent items..no wonder my com lagged...

very busy and stressed that my menses, i guessed have delayed. in the past it came on the 8th but today is the 16th, still no news but my face has started to breakout like mad! what the..very vexed about the condition of my face..argh..

i feel that i do not have much topic to talk about to my JC friends cos they are in the mainstream local uni while i am working and studying. even if i am working, not much topic, except all work and occassional gossips, but not much actually. it's problem solving most of the time and the coordination with the engineer who have seriously helped me a lot for he is the quality assurance manager but sometimes i cannot stand him...whenever i do work with him, it;s like 1/2 day is gone but i have learnt something new each day/alternate day/week.

i still think that i did not make an effort to keep in contact with my friend. i do not know if tire is an excuse or what but taking a hard look at my life,i am like neither here nor there...

i am still bothered that i m in a private uni and i am afraid that i took a wrong path. although i have work experience but it is not an expertise skill, it's more like exposure.. i am thinking of taking either logistics management, engineering, biomedical, sports science, communications or media/marketing once i finish my degree or maybe go on to masters? such general skill is to manage people and a broader perspective but one need at least an expertise skill though i am partially expose to design material process, product process, but..still not enough..my general knowledge is still not good.

where should i start?mm...tough..maybe i should take this opportunity to talk to my marketing once in a while on how they do open talk, take photo shoot for mag and brochures, how they handle user manual, how the designers do the layering and the putting up of ad in papers and mag, check their rates...then to the retail operations on how the land lord is like, securing venues for roadshows and new rental spaces. how to deal with their management, submitting proposal..wow.. a lot.. but i started to feel sianx and i do not know what i wanna do in future although i somehow enjoy the scope i am doing but at times can be real frustrating and busy..cos only 1 person in the department..ahahhaha

now, i do not why i am losing the feeling of crush over him..i think it has been 2 years..long, this is how i felt. better to be friends than 'more than that'. just plain platonic since i do not have much topic to talk about with him. who knows that it may be my wishful thinking all along! but i do not blame myself cos it is only a process..yeah..i will one day, find him...although now i enjoy the ambiguous status/ (flirting) i should say.. :P

Good morning to all!

ok, i shall stop here..tired..orh orh

2006-11-04T22:45:00.000+08:00

i think i somehow know what does 'absence make the heart grows fonder', though we have not meet each other before only telecommnicating in MSN, send each other our pictures and talk on the phone, i can't help but misses him esp during the weekends, when i m not busy with work. i feel so tettered and confused. i know that this is going nowhere but cannot help feeling that way - missing him and wanna see him immediately. this momentous infatuation is seriously killing me and making my brain and heart work doubly hard.

what is this man...

i am tired. i am wandering aimlessly.

i think i am afraid of being alone. i started to yearn and losing my rational thinking.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-03T14:15:00.000+08:00

oh man, XJ, y did u say i am involved with another guy??? haha..ok la, it's not exactly involve but just kinda like this amibiguous feelin (maybe flirting)/status between us. He's much older, like 9 years my senior but we just chatted, purely chat about work, enviroment, culture, scorning him, etc. just like that. he's from China, i think most of the chinese guys speak very loudly and a lil agitated except for my sec sch mate, Li Xiang! Really, i swear!

what have i been doing all these weeks? i have been busying chasing for the stupid cert of exportation which is hounding me..my exams fall on the 13th, 15th, 17th and i m going back to work after exam but take full day leave on 14th and 16th. then work hard from 17th afternn till 25th nov as i am going on a cruise with my mum and sis from 26th nov to 29th nov..oh no, then who is going to follow up the case of the cert?? i need to plan my shipment schedule and what are the tasks that may occur during these 3 days of my leave.

i have not started studying..damn..preoccupied by work and financial accounting scares me..

2006-10-20T12:59:00.000+08:00

It's only been half a day and i missed talking/msning him. i feel so uneasy. this bro..wonder if he's feelin ok or what? it feels like something is not going right here. i dunno...but the kind like..er..

i cannot continue like this.

what the heck, i should be on my anxious mode to get the cert from my china supplier and settle the thai issue, but i feel ok, it's like this problem can be solved. it has been pending since 11 oct and now it's 20 oct that within 10 days, i felt stressful and did not go for lessons. i felt so so guilty.

ok, now i have to go back to work. don feel like eating after this 5 day detox cum slimming programme. lose 2.9kg so far, aim to lose a few more kg by end oct.

2006-10-03T20:22:00.000+08:00

once again i feel that i have been sidelined or rather left out which i did not feel for the past 3 years. Well, i think it's because that i am alone in the room now that naturally i am being left out cos i am really busy with my stuff that i did not have lunch. Yes, i did not have lunch today. anyway, lunch to me is kinda meaningless as i am eating alone. i think i should make the effort to go out with them but the timing clashes, or i do not feel like eating at particular place.

take for eg, it;s my colleague birthday but i did not realise until they bought the cake and i was not like asked to chip in...even if they don't ask, i will definitely chip in cos it's her birthday. Also, i was asked to join in the birthday celebration but as they were gathering ppl, i have urgent things to attend to hence they did not ask me to join in...

i was doing my work until the birthday gal passed me a slice of the cake and i felt so guilty that i did not managed to join in her celebration. i mean i expect ppl to ask me to join in, yea? but who cares? cos i m condemned as BUSY which is true.

now they are on their way to marina, i did not know until the birthday gal told me and ya...it's the same thing/feeling. i told them to give me time to prepare and so i can join them but in the end, i did not go and ended up writing here. i don think they did it on purpose maybe cos i m unreachable (they cannot find me..)..now i don know whether i am finding excuses to cover up my unhappiness...

not only that, they have arranged to go to expo that fri to do their nails. yes, i was not asked to go cos maybe i stay in the west while they in the east or north east. in the end, they did not go cos some unforseen circumstances cropped up.

come to think of it, i think the export gal flared up at me cos of an email which i replied seemed rude to her. if she has such reaction, it means that the feeling of dislike and unhappiness has been kept in her inner conscience for a long time and so her interpretation of my email causes her to flare up. imagine the hard knock on the door...

fine, i don want to dwell on it anymore as i m feeling very very moody and i find the excuse that my addiction is not appeased as i did not see any eye candy for the past 2 days! ahahahh...yup...

this terrible personality..

i hate it.

2006-09-30T04:29:00.000+08:00

i will remember 29 sep 06. i am too kan chiong and worried as i could not get my work done especially for the japan customer.

maybe i did not plan well to get things done or slow in response. i felt that i am thinking too much of a scenario as i am analysing the risk and doing ad-hoc work that i cannot breathe. However, i have to thank my colleagues who have helped me.

i felt that i have practically no life. work, school, sleep and eat. sometimes engaged in gossiping and the look out for good-looking guys..lol..that i think i neglect my family. i mean my sisters. my youngest sis was diagnosed with ezcema that she must cut down on sports that make her perspire too much. i felt so bad that i am not able to revise the subjects with her for her end of year exam. Not only her, but my 2nd youngest sis who is in sec 3.

in some other ppl opinion, i m a good sis but i think otherwise.

i can't solve their bickering and quarrels. i m soft.

my other sis cannot control her spending. i cannot really monitor her as she has her own social life which is so different from me.

2006-09-23T23:01:00.000+08:00

i have just showered and many thoughts ran through my mind.

i am sick and tired.

i dread the future though many thought that i am optismistic.

i think i am afraid of being single?! lol..

i dream of my ideal life: a career woman who balances well with family life. stable financial life. loving husband and children = loving family. travel around the world after years of listening from others and reading about it. close friends. everyone in good health.

i hate financial instability - depressed, restless, dying

i think i am picky about friends that i make - if at that instant i have good impression and feeling about the other party, i hit off with them immedately.

i can be talkative if i want to -depend on situation.

i can be anti-social and keep to myself even if it's at work - i just don feel like talking to you no matter how close we are. (i guess so)

i have broke down - for no reason or subconsciously - and keep on crying for about an hour last year. what happened? this year seems good. is it true or it's going to accumulate?

my weakness: i show them easily (hello, for those who knows and read my blog, don't you feel that this entry showed most of my weaknesses??, haha.)

i hate to think at times, i feel that i can't really face challenges in problems or it's in me that is yet to surface?

i get soft-hearted easily.

the list goes on and on.........

2006-09-23T13:05:00.000+08:00

i started to feel that my course is not completed. But what to do, this is a private uni (long distance uni), of course you cannot compare to local uni where for example, you take engineering then you can choose your minor which is non-engineering.

am i losing out? actually i hate this feeling that i missed out on stuff hence i admit that i am kiasu. ahahh...who isn't? ok, independent learning..have to exactly know the reason behind why i am going to do this task or course. i think it's time for me to review about my goals in life esp after yesterday gal's talk though i am very quiet, listening to tong and jun's 'philosophy'...

what is life?

what is important?

do you really live life to the fullest?

do you really understand yourself?

do you....

what is...

though only 19, but i feel that it is time to start reflecting in this treacherous world.

human beings = complexity

2006-09-17T21:11:00.000+08:00

now, i do feel very ignorant - i felt so esp when i went with my boss to entertain the Taiwanese guests.

i must go back and study history as i felt that history is so impt which affects today's culture and way if doing things.

i kept silent throughout the dinner as i cannot input any comments on the topic that they discussed!

lots of things to learn lehz...

2006-09-17T20:30:00.000+08:00

i am drunk.

on a friday night with my lovely colleagues, i experienced drunkness. i drank 3 wine glasses of Jacon Creek and 1 jug of erm...i dunno how to name it! but at the 3rd wine glass, my head is slightly heavy and feel groggy...then head down to zouk for a while cos my colleaugue's cousin wanna get her card.

well..as i was not in the mood to really enjoy the mood at zouk as i was feelin tired and spinning, my head and body were literally in tune/shaking to the loud music beat. after that i took a cab home - i was still able to tell the driver where i stay, and manage to reply a few smses. but my head were kinda bobing up and down.

once i reached home, i just lay flat on the floor and do not feel like getting up as i felt heavy...then i felt nauseous and dashed to the toliet and vomit..oh my it was terrible and i think i did not have a proper dinner hence i got drunk very fast?? it was a bad saturday morning as i still felt my head spinning and my oesophagus was kinda 'stuck'.

but i still make my way to office and ya, late for lesson again. This new lecturer on business stats is kinda law by law. i did not like him initially...it's only towards the end of the lesson, we have to do presentation that i feel confident in getting 'A' for the exam! i was the speaker for my group and i was damn nervous and i think i put in some crappy eg though the other course mates were listening intently. of course, i did make them laugh with my stupid antics at the start! however, iy all went well..

then i met up with my ex classmate. she introduced me some products and in my opinion a money-making (something like MLM) but i don mind as i have heard of such MLM or direct selling. anyway, direct selling is kinda popular and has been in the scene for a long time, imagine those selling tupperware or stainless steel pot. ya, it's the same.

well, i shld take my time to consider whether i should take up this...i need time. maybe this is a good start on learning skills on sales, more product awareness related to health - HEALTH IS WEALTH! Ya, luckily i m interested in health issues and hope to gain more knowledge on health.

2006-09-12T23:33:00.000+08:00

i finally unleash all my helplessness and stress through my tired eyes and soul. whenever you hear a story, please do not base ur conclusion on one side of the coin only, no matter how you feel close or positive to that party.

i struggled between my supplier and forwarder towards the end of a supposedly normal, peaceful day until i got a call of bad news - my shipment will be delayed. can you imagine how devastated i was although it was beyond my control that the custom officer just choose to randam check my container? this is especially when the supplier and i are on so-so terms only. i just focused on what is going to happen to the sales that i felt as if i did wrong to my boss!

there's more to follow up and go, right now, i just feel like i am like a secretary to the all my big bosses and manager. although everyone is assigned to a specialised job scope but there are some of the staff that are like me - bao shan bao hai. mayb i exaggerated but this is what i felt.

should i continue to study pt time and work as per normal - full time? my aunt felt that i have potential in this company but i wanna venture somewhere 1st and my thirst for knowledge and experience is my priority. no doubt that i have learned quite a lot in my 10 months of working experience, i still wanna review my options.

the main objective of being a full-time student next year is that i can do other things - learn new languages, take up new course (enrichment or leisure)...ahaha, when i think of the fees, i started to qn if i shld just study pt time all the way as examiners are more lenient on part time students. but the thot that i couldn't finish my tutorial at this initial stage has lead me back to my initial plan - dilemma. but if i work, i can finance my studies but - at the expense of???

gotta review, i need to make decision soon - next july is the end.

2006-09-05T00:24:00.000+08:00

It's better to be ignorance and lead your life...i envy others too much...

Browsing through some of my friends' freindster and found that my ex-classmates were keeping in touch with some of their buddies/cliques...yes, i thought we had fun together during school days but apparently others do not think that way...friendship to me is important as my family where you find your pillar of support.

i dunno how friendship can maintain when we are at different phase of life..now, i am working. i have my fair share of colleagues and friends but the time i spent doesn't seem to justify.

i am seriously afraid that i will lose touch...with my good friends and my own assumption of good friends who think likewise. Of course, i know there are friends out there who still cares for me but i feel that i did not reprociate the action.

seriously speaking, i am jeolous. always jeolous of that sec classmates. i do not know why and don't ask me why.. that inner me cannot be at ease after like 3 years.

i saw my sec sch classmates gathering - they are the closer clique together and i thought, yes, my own assumption that we were good friends.

i was with my 1st three months classmates - but we can't seem to communicate. we were really close that time. it was gone - just like that.

my jc friends and i hardly meet up xcept for M3 and their guys - to me that is sufficient. Of course, also my dear friends xh,mz and some others.

in my part time course, i am a little gal to those elder sisters. we are still so called aquantainces though we were in a group. Once i decided to go full-time next year, i have to look for new friends or who knows i may not study full-time or halt my study plan due to financial diffiulties.

coming back to the knowledge of those gatherings, i felt that i neglect that social aspect in me or it's just fate that i couldn't?

friends....who are they?

not to mention friends, i can even get along with some of my ex-classmates.

i am totally feeling despaired down the road...am i afraid of loneliness? do i yearn for something sub-consciously?

Now, with more workload and doing more confidential stuff in work, my interaction with my clique is getting lesser and lesser. i will be in the room with another new colleague who may be much other. No longer in the open CR team where interaction is much vibrant. i lose my contact point...cos i don have much time...not for lunch and always get off work late latest at 9 pm.
like this evening, my colleagues always wait for me to finish my work b4 we set off to the next destination. They bother to ask me if i want to join them now..what about few months down the road?

i feel especially insecure and jeolous - i think it's PMS but this is also the time when true thoughts and feelings were revealed. they were hidden subconsciously.

someone once said - it's better to have one or a few good friends than many fair-weather friends or aquantaince. Yes, i agree but where can you find friends like that unless you play a part in being pro-active.

sigh

2006-08-31T21:07:00.000+08:00

i thought of taking up an engineering degree after this business management course. Of course, it's only a plan which may not take place.

No one can look down on you without your permission but i feel inferior. i don't know what i am doing and sometimes i dread going to work cos the tons of work piling up there is waiting for me to settle.

I always think that my pursue in this degree may be a mistake. i don;t know how far it can bring me and the discrimination that may exists...i believe that i will experience some discrimination and inequality in near future when pursuing career...

2006-08-25T19:46:00.000+08:00

I don feel comfortable having this title ' procurement executive'. maybe i don feel right being called like that as i am still young but ppl look at your title. I don have namecards to give when the supplier or forwarding company rep asked for one.

life is definitely exhausting and stress. no life. mon to tue work till 9 pm. reach home 10pm. shower @ 11 pm. sleep at 12.30am. wake up @ 6.20am. start wk @ 8.30pm. this cycle carry on for the past few weeks. wed lesson from 7 - 10 pm. sat lesson from 2-5pm. always rush down from work and always LATE for CLASS!

this is my life in 2006. 3 more months to go. i wanna get bonus!!

2006-08-03T13:56:00.000+08:00

I AM DYING!! please help me!

i am so bounded by the duties and responsibilites of procurement! have to do quality check, purchase supplies, source new products, monitor shipment, monitor stock level......i m seriously dying..yes...my colleague is handing over to me but but i m still LOST and CONFUSED!

2006-07-31T12:57:00.000+08:00

It's the end of the month. Yet July is a month that i have to say which is my roller coaster month. Yes, it's my birthday month but i have learn other work-related experience & life lessons.

I have a Thai customer who bought our product but was held up at the FDA. It took about 3 whole weeks to get things settled. My oh my, these 3 gruelling weeks were made worse by the India shipment which was changed at the last minute because of the terms and condition in the LC. They should have advise us when they have consulted their bank for confirmation! Negotiation with their appointed forwarder, ai yo..he's an MCP and a typical Sporean. Maybe i am still young and naive that when i see such behaviour and work ethics that one should have differs from what i thought it should be!

Now i may be transfered to another department to take over procurement. That is the tentative arrangement. I am not particularly excited cos i have not interest in that. Yes, purchasing and importing can be fun but stressful as well. I have to monitor the stock level, this and that. If the time comes and i am asked to do so temporary, so be it. One have to undergo challenges and experience or find out his limit. How far i can go. I have to believe in myself and sought advice and help from colleagues and they are really helpful. Maybe cos i m still a freshie or...on account of..mm.. some should know what i am talking about here.

Now that thailand problem has been solved and i am going to handle the japan and india thingy, i hope everything goes well.

I have started my part time course. The lecturer for the organisation behaviour and sociology is fantastic,he's innovative and funny. He really put all of us into our thinking cap, question ourself why are we taking this course and exam is only a small thing. Once you grasp the theory and put into use or etched into your brain by the smart way, the exam is definitely a breeze. though he has his own observation and theories but i think it's good. Anyway, theories are not really factual though they undergo many scientific observations this and that, but theories can change!

2006-07-18T18:52:00.000+08:00

today is the last day of the LCCI call centre course and i will be having my exam on this course around end august. Hahha...the most impt thing is thati get to take pic with this charming guy who is a staff there...my god..when i first saw him, i m like....you know! hahah...i m definitely having a serious infatuation on him! haiz...i don look photogenic leh! umm...

2006-07-13T13:26:00.000+08:00

Haiz...did not expect problems to crop up again! stupid FDA..does that equipment looks like a medical device? so what if the consignee bought 3 sets of the fitness equipment? they are for personal use! it's not that i do not want to help my customers but what happen at the thai custom and FDA is beyond my control. i got my forwarder to help, his thai agent to help but the boss who bought our products is kinda impatient,he told his secretary that he will ask for a refund if we did not pass the FDA progress. Moreover, the secretary said that their reputation is ruined...what reputation?! i understand that the boss is giving those equipment as gifts to his friend..but i think his friends should be understanding. since 4 july, things have not been going smoothly.

i also hope that things can settle asap. now, i m worried about the refund possibilites and even if the things pass thru but what if the equipment breaks down and i have to find ways and means to fly over to thailand to repair them, is it? what the...i m feelin vexed as ever.

Next, do not have enough stock for export. had promised the customer to give them the colour that they wanted but guess it will make the customer feel that 'why change here and there?'

though i kinda like export nature but i don like when prob crops up. However, i will take it as a challenge. At least i learn something.

We should always learn.

I was quite impressed with MDIS yesterday, during the orientation talk but the thot of the classmates that i may be meeting had made me a bit upset cos i do not know if i can click with them...they are mature working adults..me..just step into adulthood and still trying to adjust.
i should lower my expectations.

....

2006-07-12T11:38:00.000+08:00

MDIS may become Singapore fifth university or Asian university as it has students from 40 countries and intends to promote in another 20 markets around the world, including Middle east and Africa. Moreover, $$$ is set aside for scholarship!A new Asian scholarship which will be given out later this year to 50 top students from the region, including Singapore!

The above news excite me as thought i am going to a real uni! though it may realise only a few years later, at least i did not choose other private education provider, not to say SIM. I am going for the orientation talk today from 7 to 9 pm. It's kinda late! but i am still curious and i wanna check out the unicampus and the students, lecturers and hoe bradford works.

Celebrated my 19th birthday 0n 11 July 2006.

I was on a call handling course and i am so touched by my course mates' action. They surprised me with a lovely cake though we have known one another for less than 2 weeks.

thereafter, met my colleagues for dinner @ ajisen dining then to starbucks.though it's nothing spectacular but i treasure every moment.

went out with M3 on 10/7. First to breko then to eski bar..haha..then to essential brew. not very satisfied with the last 2 venues cos it just feel weird but i enjoy their company. funny sisters. reminisce the good old times b4 we graduated and hope to stay that way!

However, i still feel that i miss out something and i have a regretful feeling......

2006-07-06T17:51:00.000+08:00

i just feel kinda lost in work and my education. i just seem to foresee some uneasiness...

one colleague has left the company and the other kena chicken pox.

job scope is kinda undefined. i dunno what i will be delegated to. will i be in the finance dept or remain in the customer relations team to continue my export scope? or will i be doing loyalty programme? i am fine with any arrangement but i still like my current scope. i wanna remain but i wanna try something new that is why i put off taking part time shipping course. actually, if u wanna do some temp job, a shipping cert is useful. they are in the ads everywhere! i wanna enhance my skills in microsoft office, i wanna be bilingual...i feel that i am not up to standard yet. i wanna learn calligraphy, i wanna learn diving, i wanna learn japanese/korean, i wanna pursue an MBA, i wanna go overseas for holidays, i wanna take up diploma in psychology, i wanna take up diploma in IT..i feel that i love to enrich myself. i do...

my peers are going to start their traditional uni life through their orientation which i wanna exp.
i wanna go to china to study but not easy..my chinese proficiency is not up to their standard, moreover i hate reading in chinese unless i am forced to!

2006-07-05T18:47:00.000+08:00

my colleague is having chicken pox & another colleague is leaving the company due to her family commitments.

i am not feeling very good emotionally. i dunno why. although it's relaxing to attend courses on call centre during the 1st two days but i can't help feeling how different i am from the rest of my peers who are going to local uni, whether it's NUS, NTU, SMU,SIM.
i am working!! and have to study pt-time at this institution that not many agrees.

hai...there i am again. not satisfied that i have to land myself in a not prestigious kind of institution.

2006-07-01T18:08:00.000+08:00

i have paid the 1st six months school fees yesterday. Kinda excited that i will be studying soon although it's pt time for the 1st yr. However, even b4 i reached the office, the students that i saw were kinda...it's like...we can't make friends at all! i m like an old-fashion nerd while they were the fashion geeks! oh my...when i make my way to the toilet, i finally saw how the classroom is like and the students in some of the classes were working adults. did i choose the right institution? haiz...shouldn't judge ppl by its cover. i shall unfold all the skeptism that i had in them. i wonder how my classmates were like, the lecturer, the classroom environment and lots...

i took home some MBA course brochure. kinda interested in taking up MBA but wonder if nus do accept it or should i go overseas and pursue it? $$$$$$$$ ah...

now,it irks me when i hear ppl talking abt how great their uni life going to be...i always had this inferiority in me that i am not able to get into the uni that i wanted. i m afraid of losing out hence my goal is to get FIRST CLASS HONOURS. My path is entirely different now. I don like going back to school and tutors will ask which uni i am in and if i told them i m in this and not that, how will they think? they will think that i am INCAPABLE! that is always the 1st impression! that's reality. This transistion period is kinda too much for me..i have been mulling over and over again.

i need help

2006-06-29T14:15:00.000+08:00

I am on my way to a different path of life just cos i could not get into local uni. I think i will continue to pursue studies in different areas meaning a bit of here and there. Marketing, negotiation, business english, chinese studies, literature, simple engineering??, communications. these will enhance my overall ability. What about physically? i wanna learn dancing, scuba diving but firstly, i must know how to swim properly, wakeboarding, dragon boat, volleyball, pool/billard. Do you know that i do not know how to play chess at all!

i m on one hand excited on how i am going to improve my knowledge and looking at the world differently, on the other, i feel kinda left out that i cannot exp how uni teachings are like...

this is my only regret...

2006-06-27T18:48:00.000+08:00

"Everything is looking very good indeed. Take a leap of faith and you will never look back. Sudden changes will turn your life upside down in a positve way so don't be frightened by the changes heading straight for you."

I called NTU today cos i could not wait any longer for the appeal result as it may affect my other plans which i have to accept it unwillingly. The appeal failed for both NUS and NTU. Understandably, it's my sucky result that attribute to the fate that i am heading towards.

I mind how others see me - not being able to be a true-blue uno student just because i am going to a private institution for higher learning and have to pay more for the fees. No campus life, no proper 'teaching' , meaning attachments and other normal school offers. I hate myself for not re-taking 'A'. Anyway, there's no point in retaking it as i've no confidence in Maths. STUPID!

Well, i have to really take another optimistic view of how different i am from my other schoolmates/classmates. Erm..i don really know what i am doing now is a temporary console or just to hide from the reality.

I will be dumbfounded when others ask me in future :"so which uni are you attending now?" How should i answer? Uni of Bradford student?? MDIS student?? i know i should be condemning all these but it's unavoidable. I will be working pt time for the nxt 1 yr as my course is pt time for the 1st yr but come 2nd & 3rd yr, it's full-time. I may work cos i need to pay for the fees. I enrol in the working life earlier than others but i may lose out on other aspect that my classmates/schmates who r going to the Uni. I just hate the feeling of being inferior. YES, I HATE THIS FEELING.

Others will comfort me by saying that going to local uni is not everything, there are always other alternatives but the path is tough. I have to admit that. I wanna exp how tough can that get. My worse fear is that i learn nothing in this course which i have paid much $$$.

I wanna be better than those fresh grads. i want to be indispensable.erm.. that's too much hor..i..

2006-06-17T10:39:00.000+08:00

Broken family

fights,misunderstanding,lack of communication, cheating on spouse, not providing for family, favour sons than daughters, blame on ill upbrininging on each other, immature...these are what i have experienced on 16 june 06. on this day, tears and woes are poured out due to fear and helplessness...yes, me and my sisters were crying and pleading like mad children...my parents were using umbrella and chair to attack each other and all their resentments were exchanged and we, the children felt so at fault...is it because of us, the four daughters that brought all the financial woes to them? or they have no feelings for each other anymore...anyway, that's true. My sister blamed my father for not providing for the family and bring all the unnecessary burdens to us. She disliked him. In her opinion, the role of father is not what my dad is like now. I cannot say that my dad is not at fault, seriously speaking, he rarely provide for the family and i am hurt by his remark:" if not for you girls, would i be poor now? while you were young, i have to struggle to provide!" Also, he's not satisfied the way my sister handle her time. It seems to my dad that my sis idle her time away. And the other one, spent too much time on CCA and her MYE result is not justifiable.

mmm...i dunno..but i still empathise with my dad...i dunno what is the future is going to be like since we are so used without my dad around as he's been going to other country, yes both work and woman?

Hiaz....no point dwelling on it. just let nature take its course and if any decision is made, let it be. no point living in unhappiness though broken home is not a nice feeling. but fate is such and what can i do to salvage?

2006-05-25T17:15:00.000+08:00

i am feeling very vexed and stress because of work problems now! I just cannot take it that they are slow and did not even fax or arrange for the pick-up of the items. Now, the forwarder is knocking off and they are not even working on Friday and Saturday! what a country!

Now i am thinking whether the problem lies with me...am i slow in responding and carrying out orders? Argh... this week is just so lousy..but i believe that i am not! Hope eveything is fine later...Let the forwarder pick up the cargo, do the survey of the cargo and hop onto 29 May vessel to SIN!!! Please!!!

I am not in the mood to think of anything as the vessel might be delay due to miscommunications...i am afraid that this is the case! oh my...i hate this feeling!

2006-04-10T13:16:00.000+08:00

My weekend was spent watching the korean drama series called "bride at 18" which is currently showing at channel u. I like the storyline very much and the way the main actor, HE JUN treated the main actress, ZHEN SU.
haah...if my boyfriend/husband acted like an MCP at times is alright la...but most importantly he loves me for who i am!! hhooo...feel very excited..shucks...

Fruitful?

2006-03-16T10:56:00.000+08:00

I have a senior colleaugue who looked quite like him that i can't stop the stupid thoughts and the feelings!! oh god!! i think i have to endure for another few more months because i'm going to learn the ropes of exporting after i became the receptionist for just about 16 days only! well, come to think of it, i think it will be a good exposure and it will be a value-added testimonial. Hopefully it's not that hard! but i'll be liasing more with my uncle and other bosses....damn...i got to be able to handle their 'fast fast fast'!!

For the past week, i think the open hse is a great thing?! at least we go out as friends and i got to make one new friend. however, i still couldn't keep the stupid feeling inside me! i still feel like hanging out with him more but when i met him, i have nth much to say and luckily his friend entertained me...this is a bad thing or wat? haiz...i don noe how is this feeling going to last or rather vanish cos i felt so 'pek chek'. i can't take a step further cos of many insightful thots of mine and i worry too much!! haah...but it's a fact...i think it'll be better if he don msg me, but wl i ba able to take it tat way? i still yearn for his msg...maybe to occupy this lonely soul of mine.

Now i am much more worried about whether i can get into UNI!!!

SMU: 1.business management
2. Social Sciences

NUS: 1. FASS

political Science
new media & Communication

NTU: 1. sch of communication & information

2. sch of humanities & social sciences

when there's a will, there's a way....sounds good but does it happen?

2006-02-23T15:12:00.000+08:00

Hack! i am in a very 'pek cheh' mood. Actually i don't give the D&d a damn and intend to jus dress properly with a top and pants with my court shoes. However, i toyed with the idea of wearing my $67 forever 21 dress which was meant for my graduation nite but did not wear it eventually cos i found tat it was quite revealing and i don't have appropriate shawl or coat to cover! hehe..then u guys must be thinking why did i waste the $$ then. Yup, i think i bought it on the spur of the moment cos i thot i look great in it!! hahaa...:)

What now? humph...

Also, i was thinkin of buying the body shop's spring orchid perfume. it comes together with the shower gel and body lotion at $29.90! i wanted to buy but the smell of the shower gel and the lotion doesn't appeal to me so i thought of buying the perfume at $21.90 but i am afraid that i lose out by not getting the offer! so..i wait till i have the mood to buy it!! heard that it's the layerng of the gel/lotion that can bring out the fragrance of the perfume and it may last longer!
see....haiz...

2006-02-20T17:29:00.000+08:00

I am getting bored, restless and confused.
Why do we have family problems? why cheating on spouses? why monetary problems? why fights and arguements? why do the children suffer?

Incomplete, lost and force to make decisions. i can only turn to a deaf ears at times. i dun want to be incomplicated into my parents' problem though we are old enough.

i am very tired. i just feel like dumping all responsibilites and load then enjoy my own soliditary life though i am not financially independent.

maybe i know why my dad says that he has no mother, father, siblings , basically family cos it's easy to shake them off and live the kind of life he wants: go back to vietnam to see his mistress instead of making secretive calls to vietnam using $10 phonecard each time. It's easy to shrink responsibilites in his very own opinion.

i can't do anything but to stand aside and watch, then react to whatever situation. if they r going to divorce, then we shall see what happen. anyway they have decide to divorce. shit.

tough life and we suffer though not as bad as others but i can't bear the thought of a broken family.

Found a witch

2006-02-17T16:22:00.000+08:00

I could not contain my imagination and strong feeling in my heart for so long!!
I have found a witch in the office. Ever since the nancy sit concert and her attitude up in the warehouse , it has confirmed my imaginations and feeling towards her.

I don't like her at all...my impression of her change very fast. From the way she speaks i thought she's very mother-like but after prolong listening when i intercom her--- she sucks and sound so seducing. She thinks she's great and argh...there's something in her that i felt very repellent!! Hope i can endure with her for the next few months being the receptionist cos i guess there may be more courier service to do!!!

Stupid

Please, 'yi fan feng shun'!!

Sucks

2006-02-16T10:26:00.000+08:00

I don know why i am feeling so sucky, irritated and sensitive today! i hate this feeling but i have no choice but to suppress it. you can't expect me to lash it out on my colleauges and the customers but i admit i was a little loud and snappy with them.

Why why tell me why...is it due to PMS? i guess so...or is it due to the impending release of 'A' level result?

I don like what i am doing now...! i hate it..what the hell

sian...i wanna change...change what?!

2006-02-15T17:03:00.000+08:00

i hate being left out or being made to assume that i am very willing to help out in this and that (though i am willing la!). At least ask me to join in and i shall decide whether i shall join or reject them...haha..naturally i would join cos i am polite and understanding! oops! too much of myself! yes...i am only a temp here..who cares? i am going to advance and in a few years time, i am going to be even better than them...let nature take its course and i shall see how i can handle the day! bless me...

what a difference

2006-02-15T13:49:00.000+08:00

I am a sensitive person who thinks and read too much by one's decision even though i appear to be nonchalant and easy-going.

Take for example, today's lunch. i know i have been here less than three months but since we go for lunch almost everyday, why is it that because it's her birthday that i'm not invited to chip in for lunch and the cake with her usual gang.Initially i was ok with the arrangement that i go for early lunch with the others but i did not expect that another colleauge who's here less than two months is invited to chip in...the problem is they did not like her initially and i am the one who's friendly to her and i am not being pretentious. Now they are okay with her. Why? Guess i am too sensitive. Anyway i don't have much attachent for my young colleauges( 20 to 25 years old). Actually i can say that i am very quiet in their group. i talk only when necessary. For those who know me to be quite talkative or friendly, this is another side of me.

That colleague who's only here for two months asked me" are you usually this quiet?". At that moment i am quite stunned. I answered "it depends on the situation, if i want to be spontaneous and outgoing, i can choose to be la!" Then with further thoughts, i think i am really quiet and i don't usually contrribute to the spontaneity that my younger sis has. i dunno why. i choose to be and feel that way.

I think i am more 'on' with my older colleauges who have family. I hit it off with them well...actually part of the reason is because they themselves are real friendly and funny. For my younger colleagues, i think i am really quiet and how do i communicate with them when my life is so so boring! oops! i am childish too..please feel free to interview my sisters on how i behave at home! No No No...don't..it's so embarrassing!

mmm....what should i do?!

Slogging & Suay Sunday

2006-02-14T10:05:00.000+08:00

Dear me

12 Feb 06 is a day to remember! It's Nancy Sit's concert but my focus was not on her but the superstar! haha...started Sunday by having lunch with colleauges at Kuali (suntec city convention) then it's time to start packing for the goodie bags. Gradually i became the so-called in-charge of the stocks cos i'm only the one to stock all the goodie bags uo. Imagine you have to stock up about 2000+ of them. The space is very limited!

It was 6.40pm. The queue is getting longer and crowder! We thought that those in the store might be enough for the audience but who knows it's getting lesser and lesser! All the staff and even the Yip family came to help to stack out the goodie bags from the store! It was hectic!!

Phew...at last..there's time to rest and i went for the concert during the second interval. Wow..Junyang and Kelly were singing a beautiful duet! Followed by xin hui. She sang the theme song of 'wu chu cai hong' then a powerful duet with chen weilian. It's 'Ni zui zhen gui".

It's because of this that i sprained my ankle again! it was quite dark and as i was going down the stairs, i twisted it again...again...boo hoo..

No choice but to endure with it until the end of the whole concert and packing up. So i end uo taking leave on monday..

However, i went to watch "i not stupid too''. It was very touching( i trembled as i cried) and the whole scene were very reaistic and it is a learning point for both the parents and children. The Singapore society is at fault too...Yes, it's true that being Asians parents don't really know how to express their love to the children and vice versa. I don't know how to tell my dad and mum that i love them cos it's damn embarrassing and stupid. It's so so so awkward!

Anyway, i've to nurse my ankle on V day. This V day, to me, is filled with past flashes during my secondary school days. I have not been in a relationship but i can understand why these scondary school students were busy preparing on this day.

Being single is nothing wrong! but but..hehe...i'm getting worry why i am not attached! oops!! haa...

Planning

2006-02-10T12:03:00.000+08:00

As the release of 'A' level results neared and my unlucky monday on 6 feb when i sprained my stupid ankle, i was forced to think "what is my plan for the next five years?", "what if you can't get into any of the local Uni?", "what are your strengths?", "what do you want to do in the future?".

I can't answer any of them with confidence, i can only give vague answers but my uncle is not satisfied. Yes, i know it's good for me but do you know that i can spell out my weaknesses more than my strengths more effectively. Yes, i'm a weak person.

Weaknesses:

Give in to people easily
Naive/Gullible
Bad temper
Jelousy
No strong personal views
Trying too hard to be nice?
Lazy
Easily threatened

Strength:

Responsible

("You are too responsible that you become soft")

So it means that i'm gonna be slayed in the society/corporate world!

I am so so so lost and confused...what to do? This is life in Singapore and i am not born rich that i can just pave my future life by taking over the family business! haha...just embrace it!

Be optimistic!

New Year

2006-02-02T09:41:00.000+08:00

It's about 7 months since i updated my blog! It has almost become non-existence. Finished 'A' levels, went for job hunting, attended my first graduation night and did something which require lots of courage and 'face'!

Now i have been working for about two months and earning money is tough but it seems that i'm more willing to spend on myself! of course, i'm still rational between needs and wants. It's fortunate that i took up this job offer cos i have the oppoortunity to go to Fraser's Hill for 3 days 2 nights. It was a refreshing experience though i was reluctant to go initially! Got to know my colleauges better and how the company works. Now, i'm contemplating whether to carry on working after i got my 'A' level result. I wonder how i fare. Hopefully, my SAT result will score well so i can get into SMU!!!

I wanna experience a dfferent job scope but jobs out there are more or less the same.

hiaz...that is not my main concern now. It's my family. My dad claimed that he has gone to thailand (during CNY eve) for dunno what reason but mum suspected that he has gone to Vietnam. He said that he'll be back in 3 or 4 days time....but he has not. im afraid that he'll come back after a few months or years or never come back at all. How irresponsible....

Is 2006 a year that is not to be in my favour? I pray and hope that everything goes well...serious...

Message

2005-06-20T16:32:00.000+08:00

"Yan Lei" de Gu Shi

Two tear drops were floating down the river.

One tear drop said to the other," I'm the teardrop of a girl who loved a guy and lost him. Who are you?" "I'm the teardrop of the guy who regret letting a girl go.."

She-teardrop consoled, "there would come a time when we have to stop loving someone because we found out that they'd be happier if we let them go..."

He-teardrop replied, "but then you'll know that you miss someone very much when everytime you think of that person, your heart breaks into pieces and just a quick 'Hello' from that person brings the broken pieces back.."

she teardrop said, "it's really painful to say goodbye to someone else that you don't want to let go; but it's even more painful to ask someone to stay if you can never make the relationship work out the way it should be." She continued, "LOVE? it's kind of complicated, but i'll tell you this.. the second you're willing to make yourself miserable to make someone else happy, that's love right there.."

He-teardrop pondered and said, "you know, if i had the letters "HRT", i can add "EA" to get a "HEART" or a "U" and get "HURT". but i'd rather choose "U" and get "HURT" than have a "HEART"without "U.."

She-teardrop smiled and replied, "Giving someone all your love is not an assurance that she will love you back. Don't expect love in return, wait for it to grow in her heart, if it doesn't, be contented it grows in yours." He-teardrop continued, "she told me once, do not be too good, i will miss you. Don't be too caring; i might like you. Don't be too sweet; i might fall for you." She teardrop smiled and said, "A heart truly in love never loses hope but always believes."

She teardrop continued, "if you love her please let her know because it hurts to love when you have to go. Take care of me; don't go away because if you love me, you will stay. I love you and do you know why? You got me when you first said 'Hi'"

He-teardrop said, "you are brave, she-teardrop, now i know it's always better to have found the courage to love even if you lose it in the end rather than never found love because you were too afraid of the challenge."

He-teardrop continued further, "Did you know that the expression "Nothing" is the sub- conscious mind's way of saying "I Love You"? that's what i do,i told her NOTHING and because of that i lost her even though i love her. I cry for the time that she was almost mine, i cry for the memories i've left behind, i cry for the pain, the lost, the old and the new. I cry for the times i thought i had her!"

She-teardrop consoled, "Relationships are like glass, sometimes it is better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together, or worse, have nothing strong to bind it together. You never lose in loving. You only lose in holding back."

He-teardrop cried, "Now i know, i have learnt. Don't throw your back to love when it's already in front of you, don't drive it away from you because if you did, someday you'll think again why you let love fly away when it was once next to you.."

These are quite profound and the actions are magnanmious...does it really happen this way? I have never had any experience on this..i'm always the one who admires others and never the other way round..LOL! But seriously speaking, i wonder if i'm able to do this if it happens to me.what was being described above seems logical to prevent oneself from feeling more hurt...the world is complicated!

4E5 gathering - 18 June 2005

2005-06-19T01:10:00.000+08:00

Yoz, time to update after a long long break! Yes, i'm lazy to update!

Today is special because seondary schoolmates get to gather as many as they could. Attendance : 27 Abentees: 10.

I enjoyed the journey to and fro though back of my mind was worried about the upcoming common test. I wondered how am i gonna finish revision! Did not really started! Oops!

Taking pics is one of the most enjoyable stuff and interacting with others about their current life. How time flies...soon, it will be 'A' level. For this major exam, i'm going to start a new me who'd gonna be serious in work and work very hard to make up for all the leisure hours i have thoroughly enjoyed this JUNE!

A new me, who's gonna forget about her crush? Is it possible? Sorry, he's not that mature adult in the college(that was the most foolish thing i have ever done! *REGRETS*). He's someone else.

I'm gonna concentrate on work next week - the last week of June Holidays! Even if my common test results aren't great( fail or borderline pass)..it's ALRIGHT...what's important is PreLim and 'A'level' ! I must have the confidence and perserverance...i must believe that i have what it takes and my character and attitude will and must PULL ME THROUGH the remaining 5 MONTHS!

Get on With Life

2005-04-23T19:38:00.000+08:00

Hi! Yes...it's been a long time since i blog...

For the past few weeks, i've beeeeen catching up with work. Yes, staying back in school till 9+, what's the problem with that? Time management, i can spend the whole evening just doing one economics essay, no time for other work. The worst thing is economics always formed the bulk and priority of my homework and time.

Problems..problems...problems...i'm losing focus and friends said that i'm paying attention to the wrong things.Probably.It's too difficult to describe it here. i just have to blame it on my playfulness and the wrong feeling i have on someone...

It only meant to be just a tweeny mini crush on someone but people just knew it and tease about it. Ok, it was not bad but losing control soon. i'm presenting too many sides in front of someone and i feel so mixed up.

What exactly do i want?

Am i attracting attention and i felt that my actions were quite explicit though i displayed my 'quiet by nature' poise at time. I even called myself 'J Lo'...only some people understands the meaning behind it!

I'm giving myself time to get back my focus and i have to otherwise i'll be letting many people sown especially to myself...because at the end of the day i have to take responsibility for my own actions!

Thinking & Interpreting too much

2005-03-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hi....a sad mode?

I think i 'zi zuo zi shou'...i shouldn't have interpret the messages and chats into my own way...i think there's gap and he treats me as a normal friend only...ok...so i shall start afresh and stop interpreting stuff as i like...it's meaningless...

gonna start work now...yes...to finish my hwk and prepare for the current affairs presentation on mon!

holiday? Think twice - Frustrated

2005-03-18T18:23:00.000+08:00

Hi all! i know...it's been a long long time since i blog...my mood now is full of complicated and mixed feelings...

Just came back from bras bersah complex..bought some 2nd hand books to start revising! Yes,u read it...revise...but how on earth am i goin to start when all my concepts and assiagnment sucks?

This holiday is not workin out well...after the KL trg trip from 11 mar to 14 mar, it's all going downhill....my mood and enthusiasm for school work...

Tell me how to start?

i think i've been thinking and bothering too much abt something which is not impt now....i think i peaked too high (play too much la) and it's depression period now...cos sub-consciously i can sense that something is not going too well...academic work? family (my sisters' performance)?personal life(oh god...am i....too desperate)? how my frenz think of me?

But i think it's school work...and one misunderstanding due to my chinese nick by wang lee hom...he loged off twice not long b4 i logged in! erm...maybe he was really busy with his stuff..hence have to log off...

i have a crush on my teacher?haha...not really...he's just cute...tat's all..mayb i need more attention? i duuno...

yes...i believe tomorrow will be an even better day! wish me luck!

Love Fiesta II

2005-02-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

Latest blog! haha..yeah..was too busy and lazy to do blogging...

Reach school around 9 am to pass jie tong my uniform then walk around the school and i could almost feel the exciting atmosphere!

Went to the gate to wait for nicholas,mei zhu and jee da...the school was in a crowd but the crowd was not as frenzy as last year(might be due to the timing) and this time i have lots of tickets to spend!

Then halfway through my left sandal's strap snapped...i do not know what to do as i'm going to SA for their funfair, luckily ms leow came to my rescue! I used scotch tape to 'mend' it..then i could walk properly agin...all was well when i sent my sister to the gate, the strap came out!!! ARGH!!! Couldn't be bothered less, i walked all the way to themain gate side bus stop to meet joan and the rest, they suggested that i go home and change my sandals as well as to get the SA tickets. How forgetful i can be!

I practically rushed all the way back to my home and then to JE library bus stop!I'm really sorry for the trouble caused!Finally, we reached SA. The moment i alighted from the bus,i could feel a 'prestigious' funfair going on. Wow...there were lots of people and wonder how was JJ doing.

We walked and walked...then finally i saw some of my friends from pre-u sem and yhss school mates. I was quite excited actually...haha...the things were really expensive...i've no choice but to spend it like nobody's business!

AH! The highlight was SUN YAN ZI's appearance! Can u imagine the whole school population was following and crowding her like there was about to have a stampede? ok,i guessed i have exaggerated! She sung SA's college song but apparently she has forgotten the lyrics! Nonetheless, it's still that megastar singing with grace!haha...

I guessed today is quite fruitful because i have made quite a few of chong heng's classmates such as Adeline, wai san, yun yan, yu cheng, something de and xiao min. Nice knowing you guys and thanks for tolerating my nonsense!

OG 25

2005-01-22T22:29:00.000+08:00

It was a bbq.A normal and expected one, but i felt different this time. I think the bonding, spirit and character of each and everyone has surfaced but it's positive.

I really have a great time with my members...the shopping at Giant and Anchor point. i got to know them more and how sweet some of them were. I really appreciated what the og members did.

I was really siao yesterday. So playful that i played charcoal and dirtied calverk and herman. these 2 guys got their revenge on me! Twice!

The food was not bad but didn't dare to try the chicken wings cos it's quite 'chao da'!

Xiao Jun is really a good eater! She marinated the hotdogs and crabmeat with sambal and bbq sauce and i have to admit that it's good! I was feeling quite full even b4 the bbq started, i think it's indigestion!

we did the mass dance and half-way through i started that again. I dunno what's wrong with me again..i felt pissed and sad.Most prob all the sub-conscious thoughts came back. is it becoz the boys r uncooperative when they were dancing or i have been experencing ectreme happiness for too long??? haha...i know it's a bit crappy but one do not know what's happening to his thoughts.

I was throwing tantrums and just went around cleaning up the place while they were playing and taking pictures.i was damn sad and ya...maybe it's my fault for not taking the initiative to join them cos they did not know what's wrong with me.

Jie lin, can u please straighten out your thoughts? Face the reality if you have to. Hiding won't do you good.

Why?

2005-01-21T01:41:00.000+08:00

Today is the farewell party for both Ivan and Mr Sin who is 04S28's civics teacher who has to go down to JC 1. The BBQ was not bad, i was feeling very high and enthusiastic in the beginning then i hit rock bottom.

I don't know what's wrong with me...maybe i'm too stressed up that all my pent up emotions were released that night. Or maybe i was feeling lost, no sense of belonging and direction. Don't ask me what's the problem with my thinking. I don't know,it just come like that. Humans are indeed amazing, contradicting and confusing. Yes, that's all i can describe for now.

I want to cry more and let it all out but my dear friends console adn encourage me that i don't know whether to cry or smile. I'm seriously confused. Can anyone please tell me what's up with me?

Till now, i realised that i still can't get over that stuff which happened in secondary school.I'm still jeolous of that girl. People are different from one another in their own ways. What they have,you don't have. Why bother to compare yourself to the others. Why mind so much about her? Don't you know that this is a sign of low esteem? It's too childish and that psychological problem has to be rid of gradually. Why am i still feeling like a evil person with emotions that are undesirable and confusion is the worst emotion. But most of all, jeolousy is deadly.

I have to do self controlling and soul-searching!

Thoughts

2005-01-15T18:41:00.000+08:00

Hi! I know it's has been a long time since i blogged because i was busy with school work and orientation!

The start of 2005 is not a bad one! At least i realised my goal of being an OGL. I do cherished the opportunity given to me by Mr Leow. He's a great teacher who inspired many of the students in JJC. "If you want to do something, do it well and give all you can". Yes,i agree with him especially after the calamity on tsunami sweeping across Asia, you will never know when you gonna lose your love ones and friends who ever play,talk,encourage and go through the hard times with you.

Next, my orientation group (OG 25 - Fornacis) is a great group of J1 who bonded very well with one another. Initially, F5 is really not giving their all when cheering. We were disappointed, but we never give up. I kept telling myself to encourage and continue cheering, and try to make their orientation moments as memorable and fun as possible. Soon, i fell sick, on the second day of the camp. I think it was due to dehydration and insufficent sleep. Nevertheless, i give all out on JJ nite..it was cool and fun..at times...it was touching. The moment came...we were crowned the Best Family in Beta camp! It was unexpected! I was overwhelmed with shock and happiness because i strongly believed in hard work and effort!

The last day of the camp. The highlight was E-web. Everyone was expressing their thoughts to one another and i found out that JJ Orientation is the best camp in everyone's heart. JJ Orientation made a difference in their life in one way or another. I was seriously proud of JJ and hope that the success and tradition will carry on forever! Almost all OGLs cried when Mr Leow dedicated a touching song to the councillers. It stung the heart of everyone....

After the whole orientation, i was glad that the group stayed together. They even have thought of how to celebrate Tiong Po's birthday on the 22nd of Jan. I sincerely hope that the spirit will carry on! Though i was busy catching up with my school work,i don't feel any sense of regret and felt that i have achieved something indescrible.

My class, 04S28 has three more new classmates but not long after i joined the class, my PW group mate, Ivan decided to withdraw from JC course. That was really sad. But i wish all the best for Ivan in his future endeavors. He's a great PW member who contributed quite a lot. Not long after,my civics tutor, Mr Sin has to go down to J1 and take on the role of PW head. So that is to say we are going to have another civics and physics tutor. I was pised when he said that he was going to teach the J1 because last year the same thing happened. Mr Mak has to go up to J2 to teach them. Why does 04S28 has to experience the 'come and go' thingy?

Anyway, we have to face it and adapt to it. I accept it and readily to adapt what possibles changes there are. Our new tutor is Mr Low. Haha, i was shocked and happy. Then suddenly, i remembered that i am the physics rep! muahhhhhaa....but whether he knows how to teach is another matter. I shall wait and see.

Netball training is not bad yesterday and whatever thoughts i have all along have been confirmed. I don't blame the decision made because i know myself. I will give all the help i can.

Yesteray was frightening. Jie tong, Xiao Jun and I were waitng to cross the road. We saw this girl who started to cross the road and thought that the green man is flashing. We were about to cross when i saw a car drive pass us. Jie tong was rubbing her eyes then and i pulled her back. Phew! We saved our own lives! That was a close shave and we gave one another a hug of relief...then we went 'siao'- hugging along the way!

Anyway, it was a great moment and a disappointment yesterday.

The End of 2004

2004-12-31T21:25:00.000+08:00

Yes,it's the time of the year again to welcome a new year. Countdown,self-reflections and making new resolutions.

The recent 2 days 1 night OGL camp (27 dec & 28 Dec) was not bad but i felt that it could be better. I made new friends whom i have seen in college as well as those that were non-existent to me!

Seriously, i was quite reserved to myself and only moved around with pals. But later in the evening, all of us open up to one another...sincere introduction.

Cheers,songs and dance were the highlights which bonded us -- everyone of us! I enjoyed myself there but F5 is still quite quiet because we were stucked with cheers and the understanding! Hey, that's not gonna spoil the whole spirit!

We came back on thursday to do some dry-run. However, it was saddening in the morning. We kena scolding from mr leow and the councilors were punished. I felt so rotten inside. Felt so useless at that time..haiz.

Today,it was the last time for everyone to get together and get our stuff right before the big day on Monday!
Jia YOu.

The death toll to date for the Asia's tsunamis is 125 000. Once again,i felt vulnerable and pathetic for those affected in Indonesia, Thailand, India and Sri Lanka. They were many poor civilians who do not have proper housing and worse still their only possesion were destroyed. To make life seemed even unfair and cruel, their family members were either missing or dead. The aftermath is the next big problem - poor hygiene and the possibleoutbreak of chlorea which means more death.Why does the world has to come to such state?

Not only that, we have to bear in mind of the outbreak of SARS and Avian Flu in recent years! The Earth is dying. She is feeling terribly sick and tired of the ongoing works created by mankind!

Well, count your blessings and treasure your loved ones. Live life to the fullest and hold back all fears which may prevent you from achieving your goals and decisions.

Happy New Year, 2005!!!

Celebration

2004-12-18T09:10:00.000+08:00

Hi all! This week seem to be fruitful too!

16 Dec 1942,my mum was borned. We just celebrated her 42th birthday with some simple fare without our dad. My sister brought her clique to our house to celebrate my mum's birthday! Haha...weird, isn't it?

I thought the fun just stop on 16 Dec.The next day,i have a video editing course which ended around 4+. I enjoyed the course thoroughly as i marvelled at how the pre and post production worked in a drama. Continuity is very important which require everyone to work closely if not they will have to pay thousands to reshoot that particular scene only!

Rain,splash,thud....haiz...just before we were about to leave, the rain came. I hate it! So Xi Hui, Mei Zhu,Jee Da and me sat down and did econ hwk due on mon. But i'm not in the mood!We 'gossiped' a little while trying to concentrate,of course Jee da isn't that nosey, he continued to do his wk.

'Ring...ring'.....i called my mum.Well,i have a reunion dinner with a distant relative yesterday evening. My mum's younger cousin who married a Hong Konger and has migrated to Australia. She has 2 sons who i was trying to figure how they looked like! Naturally,i tried to dress up a little. But i think i was too fickle-minded as i changed my bottom almost 4 times. Skirt or jeans? haha, inthe end, i wore a slim fit top and jeans. When we reached Jumbo Seafood Restaurant near Jurong Bird Park,the restaurant seemed to stop functioning. SO we decided to go to the nearest restaurant - Boon Lay Raja Restaurant. Actually, when i saw all my young cousins who dressed casually, i was shocked. i thinked i over-dressed! ok...who cares...the thing is to meet 'biao yi ma' and 'biao ge'. It was at the carpark that i got a close up of the 2 cousins. They seemed old to me and the younger one looked like he's 17. i thought they looked like some taiwanese boyband but with some feel of Eurasian look. You know, that close-up isn't exactly good, i don't even know how to describe them propeerly.

We were split into 2 tables. The children took 1 table and the adults, another. Of course i took the children's table and the 2 cousins sat with their mom. Got to know that they speak only english and Cantonese. Obviously, they felt damn bored as they have each other for company when all the elders chattered away.

Then the children ahve finished their meal and gathered around the elders. They were talking some ghost stories. My mum was the story teller. They were in Perth. One night, in the hotel room, my mum and her sis were fast asleep. For some reason, my mum woked up and saw someone sitting by the edge of my aunt's bed,stroking my aunt. She woke my aunt and told her. Imagine the shock! For the rest of the story, i did not bother to hear as i was fascinated with my cousin's (another one who's 27 yrs old) Nokia 7610! Suddenly,i heard a loud thud! My uncle hit the table when apparently my mum was at the crux of the ghost sory. My eyes shifted to the 2 cousins. The elder boy who's the same age as me ( but he looked like 20+!) widened his eyes and i guessed he must have felt that it was rude to hit the table! I don't know, it's really distant. All along, they were whispering in each other's ears just like little boys( the younger brother is about 15 years old, shocked!). i was labelled by my sister as being 'hua chi', nomatter which guy i see, i will go ga-ga over him. But hey, who doesn't when that guy meet your requirements...haiz..but to think of it, it's a shallow thing to do! i believed in inner beauty but couldn't resist to check out the other party good looks! Ok,i shall stop here and stop contradicting myself.

It was time to leave, my fifth uncle suggested that next christmas we should organcise a beauty pagent as he saw all girls were growing into swans!haha...u know..catwalk...Q&A...blah..blah.Time to say goodbye, my 3 sisters and i said and waved goodbye to them(we were going into 2 directions as they parked their car the onther side), and i saw the 2 cousins waved back spontaneously! Not bad, at least they were friendly!

The crux of today's happening : if only i took a small move...yes...a small move to initiate the introduction,i might get to know the 2 cousins better! I just hate that feeling - REGRET !! I don'tknow when can i get to see them again as they were leaving for Australia today at 11 am!

All the best, 'biao yi ma', 'biao ge' &' biao di'.

2004-12-15T12:53:00.001+08:00

Party of Five

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Nice flashy smiles at the stair!

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Smile! X'mas is here again!

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Spiral beauties?

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Sakura..sakura...having lunch

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Along the wooden trail...nice view

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One big family!

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breath taking view!

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We were at the stairs...lots of them!

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Phew! we almost made it!

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At the second half of tree top walk..say cheesezz

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At the entrance of tree top walk!

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Group photo before we set off!

To an End

2004-12-15T11:48:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone, it's time to update my blog! Last week was an eventful week because it was all about bonding and fun and lots of photo shots!

Ok,i stopped at elaborating the netball camp, now i'm gonna share the hike experience at MacRitchie.It was my first time hiking and though the rocky route was quite similar to OBS's but the feeling is different because it was a fun hike full of fun and laughter. Moreover, we get to eat our snacks and share it with one another. MacRitchie is a good place for filming those wushu drama serials just like jin yong's work because the surrounding nature is fantastic- green,clean and windy.Also,the river bank looked wide enough for one to exert his qi gong to fly from one end to another! Haha,i know it's too far fetched!

Along the way,we took a lot of pictures but i don't look photogenic! Haha....The most memorable route was when we were oing up the steep slope to the Tree Top walk. It was about 25 to 27 metres high. It was not scary at all. It reminded me of the Jurassic Park structure!

The worst part was getting out of Tree Top walk because there were a lot of stairs to clear,we climbed up up up then down down down. Then we reached Singapore Island Country Club golf course.Oh gosh, it was a perfect place to have a picnic because the greenness and the weather was perfect!

Time was running out and we have to fasten our pace. The 'adventure' began: we have to overcome the slippery muddy surface and sure enough,we were experiencing 'snow ski' without the handle. Screams, laughter and excitement filled the nature atmosphere! haha...Then we continue our walk,walk walk walk and finally we reached our destination! Yeah!!

Then we went to town.We have lunch together at sakura thai restaurant at far east. The food was delicious and we have a good laugh at xiling's 'joke' : i celebrate happy new year. hey xiling, i hope you don't mind!After that, everyone was dead tired and wanted to go home except for me,xiling,elle,yuyin and aneesha. We went to Cine because elle wanted to catch a movie very much. Since they were watching Polar Express,i and xiling expressed not much interest & we baded them goodbye and off we go.

On Friday,we have a netball bbq.The weather suxs!It rained at 9+ and we couldm't carry on bbqing and all of us rushed to the clubhouse!The rain was so heavy that it threatened to rain heavier till the next morning! All of us were drenched but the fun began : pose,click,flash.

There are some pictures to share with you guys!

Trainings

2004-12-08T17:58:00.000+08:00

Hi ppl! I just came back from netball training! This netball day camp is not bad,not as dreadful as i thought! Haha..at least there's some bonding time on the 1st day when the weather was real bad and we have to come up with our own 'game' after 30 miuntes of continuous running around the school! We played monkey and it was hilarious! Poor xiling..she's fated to be the monkey for she stay no more than 1 to 2 minutes round the circle! Of course i have my fair share of being the monkey and i felt apologetic when i bumped/contact onto them!

Today's training is boring cos we were doing the same courtwork/drills over and over again.Ms Choo was busy with her report! But today's weather is G.R.E.A.T cos it's not too hot and there's wind...natural coolness! Oh well, gotta rest cos there will be a hike tml morning at Macritchie Reservoir then we gonna celebrate Elaine aka Elle's birthday tml at Sakura! Yeah!

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Yes,The FInal Showdown..it's either YOU or ME!

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May the best man win

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Nice group pic

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Funny smile

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Cool!!

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Taufik & maia

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vote for Olinda

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Sly & Daphne

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Top 30

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Sylvester..Jazz

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Taufik Batisah!